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“Idon’t want to tell you no, but…”
“Thendon’t.Youneed me, even if it’s to help you rest.”
Shedoesn’t respond, but what couldIexpect?Allthree of us are fighting against our harsh reality.
“Whydon’t you find something warm to wear, andI’llgo talk to him.”
“Areyou sure?” she asks.
“He’smy brother.Ofcourse,I’msure.”
Iwatch asRachelslips away, turns on the bathroom light, and disappears behind the door.Takingmy time,Isit up, stretch, and button my shirt.Idon’t feel like doing more than that.Thelight stings my eyes asIapproach the kitchen.Luke’sback is to me.Thatsame acheIfelt earlier withRachelreemerges in my chest.
“Hey,”Isay softly.
Hishead turns in acknowledgment, but he doesn’t look at me. “Sleepwell?”
Ipull out a chair and sit down at the table. “Idid, actually.Racheltoo.Icame home with her from church, and we crashed.”
Henods his head and stirs the food cooking in the pan on the stove. “That’sgood.Shedoesn’t rest enough.Ithink she has trouble.”
Shedoes you numb nut, because she’s missing us!Sheneeds us.
“Itold herIwould come by more often, help her out.Ifthat’s okay?”Iask.
That’swhen he turns around and assesses me with those golden eyes that send a tingle down my spine. “Whywouldn’t it be?Wouldmean a lot to me too.Ican’t always be what she needs.”
Youcould!Youjust choose not to.
Inod. “AnythingelseIcan do to help?”
“Maybe.IfIsent you a list a couple of times a week, do you think you could pick up some groceries?Istruggle to find the time.Besides,Idon’t really want to be around…people, ifIcan avoid it.Someshithead always has something to say.”
“Ofcourse.Nota problem.”
“I’llsend you the money if you leave the receipt.”
“Idon’t mind paying for some of it,”Ioffer.
“Nonsense.Saveyour money for school.Wehave plenty.”Iknow this.Heturns back to the stove. “Doyou want to have dinner with us sometimes?Asthe due date approaches,I’mfeeling a little paranoid about everything.Notthat you could do anything,Ijust would feel better…”
I’mbehind him before he finishes his thought, and his words cease onceIplace my hands on his hips. “I’llbe here.”
Hedrops the wooden spoon and braces his hands on the counter.
“Youokay, baby?”Iask.Ican’t help it.I’mstill reeling from what happened earlier withRachel.IfIthought for a momentIcould want, or need, them any less, thenI’vebeen kidding myself.
Hejust nods.Whenhis hand slides over mine,Iflip it over and thread my fingers with his.
“It’sjust scary.Whatif something goes wrong?WhatifI’mnot here?WhatifIcan’t get her to the hospital?”
Ilay my head on his back. “Let’smake a plan, a schedule soIcan be here if you can’t…even when you are.”
Fuck,Iwant to melt into his bones right now.Thisis the most open and vulnerable he has been with me in months.Suddenlyhis body tenses, and he drops my hand to pick up the wooden spoon.Rachelhas joined us in the kitchen.
“Haveyou packed your bags yet?” he asks abruptly.Heleans back enough to communicate thatIneed to move away, soIdo.
Rachelis taking a glass from the cabinet whenIturn around.
