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“WhataboutEvan?”
“He’sgoing to marry us too, and we will look back on all this unhappiness and pain and know it was worth the struggle just to finally be together.”
“Ican’t promise…”
Shejabs her finger at me. “Don’tyou dare finish that sentence.Fine!Iget it!Youdon’t want to fuck me with your father’s baby in my belly.Ican respect that.Ihave!Butthe three of us belong together, andIwill fight tooth and nail to make sure the two of you get that through your thick skulls.”
Ichuckle at her insistence which earns me a punch in the arm. “Ouch!”Icomplain, rubbing the sore spot.
“Don’tfucking laugh at me.Ican respect your choice for now, but at some point, you have to be brave and love us out loud for everyone to see and hear.”
Ifonly that were possible.Idon’t supposeIcan actually give up hope.Ilove them too much, butI’mnot deluding myself either.
“Iwant that too.Morethan you know.”
* * *
EVAN
Ihad one of those dreams last night; the one whereLukeandIare…Ican’t even say it.Onlyin this one, my father walks in on us, and the dream turns into a nightmare.Irealize that it would come true ifLukeandIfinally surrender to our feelings.Icouldn’t hide it.Hell,Ihave trouble hiding what the three of us have already done.Sometimesit’s becauseIwant my parents to knowI’mnot a kid anymore.Othertimes, it’s becauseIwant to tell the other guys on the team that they don’t know shit about fucking a woman.Irealize now that a lot of what they tell each other is bullshit, just trying to build their egos.Instead, they give me hell for being the ‘VirginQuarterback’.Ijust keep my mouth shut.
Typically,Ilet it roll off my back, but today my dreams have me tied in knots.Ican’t focus and the guys have picked on me relentlessly.
“Psst!”
Iturn towardMikewho is ducked down behindMadison, so the teacher won’t see him.Ifurrow my brow hoping he’ll back down.
“Dreamingof pussy?” he whispers and then hides his laugh behind his open hand.
Theother guys burst into suppressed laughs, andMr.Asheberryraises his voice, making sure everyone understands he knows exactly what’s going on during class, even with his back turned.Iprop my chin up with my arm and turn away from myfriends.
IwishLukewere here.Healways had my back when the others got out of hand and were immature.Shit,Iused to be just as immature.Ifeel so far removed from them, from everyone.
Thatbitter, torn feeling returns.Onthe one hand,Icannot wait to get out of here.Onthe other,Iam still not sureIcan leaveLukeandRachel.Thismorning over breakfast,Ialmost told my parentsIhad changed my mind about going away to college.Theywould be thrilled…until the truth came out, and it would.Thereare no secrets in this town, not for long anyway.
Thatright there is whyIhave to go; beforeImake a mistake and refer toRachelin an intimate way.BeforeIletLukekiss me and give in to every sinful desireI’veever had.Beforemy parents disown me and cut me off with nothing.Nah, the three of us can never have a life together.Atleast not here, and the chances of them moving and leaving the family ranch are minuscule.
WhenI’mfinally allowed to leave the prison that is school,Idrive without recognition of whereI’mgoing untilIturn into the long gravel driveway.Ishould be going home.
Thingsare changing too fast.
Ineed her.
Luke’struck is gone, so maybe it’s fate that brought me here.Idon’t want him to find out thatI’vebeen sleeping withRachel.GodknowsI’vehurt him enough.
Rachelisn’t in the kitchen or the living room whenIgo inside the house. “Siren?”
“Evan?”Sheasks from the bedroom.Ifind her lying across the bed. “Whatare you doing here?Ithought you had to help your dad with something this afternoon.”Sheprops herself up on her elbows.
Ilean against the doorway. “Ido, butIneed you.”
Shegives me a soft smile. “Didsomething happen?”
“No, it’s just getting a little too real.”
“Thebaby or graduation?”
“Both.Howare you and the baby today?”Iask hoping she won’t probe anymore.
