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Ifight the tears that hang on unspoken pleas for him not to leave.Withone last pulse, he trembles and falls against me.Iwrap my body tightly around him.
“Staythe night?”Ihave to ask.Thewordstaywas waiting to burst out of my mouth.
Hegrunts and nuzzles my neck. “Iam.Notgoing anywhere,” he whispers.
Igrab hold of those words and possess them as ifI’vebeen starving for them.Ihave, andIwill cling to them with utter desperation.
* * *
LUKE
Racheldidn’t want to bringOlivia, afraid she might cry and bother people.Whocares what other people think?Thisis a family event, and no one should be cross over a crying baby.Icave to her request to sit near the entrance, thoughI’dreally like to be closer.Afterwe are settled,IspotEvan’sfamily, near the front, of course.Idon’t recall meeting his aunt, butEvanandEmberhave always been fond of her.
GuessIwill get to talk to her more tonight at dinner.I’mnot keen on going becauseI’mnot family.It’llfeel likeI’mintruding on a family event, butEvanwants me there, so that is whereIwill be.
Ilook up at the stage thatIshould probably be crossing today, just like my classmates.Ihad wondered once the day came ifIwould regret my decision not to walk across that stage and get my diploma.
Nope.No, regrets about that.
Thisway,Ican focus onEvan, and the day can be about him.Lookingover the sea of green graduation caps,Ifind him immediately.Mostlybecause his eyes are locked on me.Igive him a nod, and he gives me a big smile.Hiseyes dart toRachel, and she waves like a loon.
“Wayto fly under the radar,”Imumble.
Sheelbows me. “Shutup!Nothingstrange about waving.”
Anyonecan make something innocent into something it’s not.Onlyin this case, itissomething.
Oliviais asleep, wrapped up tight.Itisn’t her first outing around people we know.Rachelstarted taking her to church a couple of weeks ago.Istill haven’t gone back.Ichoose to have my spiritual time in nature whereGodandIcan hear one another just fine.Theystill ask about me.Hopefully, they will be distracted byOliviaand quit naggingRachelabout me.
Evanis leaving soon, as soon as he gets a place to live.Hewants to learn his way around the city and campus before classes start.Hisdad has been trying to find him an apartment near the campus.Evandidn’t want student housing, andIcan’t sayIblame him.Theydid tell him he has to find a roommate to help with the rent.Somewheredeep downIwishIwere that person.Thepoint is moot now.
I’vebeen tempted to ask where that leaves the relationship he has withRachel.Theyboth seem to be in denial, especiallyRachel.Heis over at the house as much as he can spare.Racheltold me that his parents have been giving him hell about it, but it hasn’t stopped him.Ifthey only knew where he was going, and it’s not toJacksonto see hisgirlfriend.Ican’t believe his dad is still buying that whole story.
Ikeep my distance.OnceOliviastarted sleeping through the night,Iwent back to my loft.Ispend the late afternoons and evenings with her soRachelcan do whatever she needs to do, run errands, or just rest.Idread to know what we’re going to do when she starts working again.Notsure howIfeel about someone else taking care of her.
“Giveher to me,”Isay.
Rachelsmiles as she placesOliviain my arms. “Missingher?”
“Iwant to hold her so you can have a break.”
Sittinglike this,LittleMissOfits perfectly on my lap.ThiswayIcan see her sweet face.Besides, she gives me something to focus on during the crappy speeches and award presentations.Itis only when they begin calling the names of the graduates with last names starting withHthatIpay attention.
Evanwaits his turn at the foot of the steps, smiling big.Heis so happy today.Forhim, this is the beginning of everything he’s ever wanted for himself.Iwonder if the loss of us is ever going to hit him.
“EvanLauranceLogan.”
Embersqueals, andEvangives her a wink before he takes his diploma.I’dlove nothing more than to stand and whistle so loud the air would ring, butIcan’t do that with a baby in my arms.Iwatch every step, every expression, and movement of his lips.Whoknew moving a tassel could be painful?Maybethat is how his parents feel too, happy for him but devastated.
Iwant to leave before it’s even over, butRachelwants to see him, so we’re waiting in front of the gymnasium along with everyone else.Excepteveryone else is hugging their graduate, laughing, and taking pictures.We’rejust standing here, hopingEvancan slip away for a quickfriendlyhello.
“Don’tbe so grumpy,” she tells me.
IrockLittleOand do my best to keep a blanket over her to shield her from the sun. “I’mnot grumpy.Thisis just a waste of time.Youknow he’ll be over at the house at some point.Can’tyou congratulate him then?”
“ButIwant a picture with him in his cap and gown.”
Iroll my eyes.
