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“Rachel,”Irasp.Ihave to find the volume of my voice and say her name again to get her attention.
Shequickly wipes her cheeks, stands, and placesLittleMissOin the bassinetIkeep for her visits. “Howare you feeling?”
IfIhadn’t just seen her crying,Iwouldn’t know she was upset.Sheis pulled together by the time she gets close to me.Herhand instantly falls on my forehead.
“You’reburning up again!”
BeforeIcan stop her, she busies herself getting me more medicine, water, and a cool compress.
“Sheasleep?”Mythroat is so raw.
Sheglances over her shoulder. “Shouldbe out until her midnight feeding.You’llneed more medicine by then.”
Witha deep breath,Igather my strength and pull the covers back, holding them open in invitation. “Climbin.”
“You’resick.Youneed to rest.”
“Sodo you,”Icontest.
“I’llbe fine on the sofa.”
“Getin.”Myvoice cracks.Iwish she wouldn’t fight me on this, and just let me hold her so we can both sleep. “Please.I’llsleep better with you in my arms, knowingIcan comfort you a little.”
Shemoves the compress around my face.Igrasp her wrist and take the cloth from her hand, dropping it on the nightstand.
“Getin bed with me,Rachel.”
“Okay,” she relents, pulling her hand away to take her hair down.Itdrops to her shoulders, soft and dark.
Imiss her longer hair so much.Ilook forward to burying my nose in it after she lies down.Sheis wearing yoga pants and one of my t-shirts.Itug on it lightly.
“Thismine?”
“Ihope it’s okay.Wantedto feel you close.”
Ismile weakly and pat the mattress. “Thencome feel close to me.Itwill make me feel better too.”
Carefully, she slides under the covers with me, andIcover our bodies.Idon’t care that she’s keeping a safe distance.Icircle her waist with my arm and snuggle her close to me so the entire lengths of our bodies are touching.Iforget myself and hum in pleasure.
“Ijust want you better,Luke,” she whispers.s
Ifinally bury my nose in her soft hair and breathe in the scent of fresh peaches.Herpresence in my arms makes me feel better, comforted, and safe.
“I’mbetter now,”Itell her lazily.
Sheglances over her shoulder. “Better, as in not sick.”
Ituck my fingers under her side and squeeze. “I’llget there.Juststay with me.”
Silencefills the room, except for the occasional soft coo fromO.Ilet my befuddled brain imagine this is our life, that we’re a family, thatRachelis my wife, andOliviais our daughter.It’sa wonderful dream.Itfeels warm and safe.Iwould be so content.
“Youknow, don’t you?” she whispers, knocking me out of the fantasy.
Ikiss the shell of her ear. “Ihave my suspicions, but no,Idon’t know what he did to you.I’msorry, babe, for whatever happened.”
Herarms wrap around mine as if she is attempting to keep me wrapped around her. “Ilove you,” she says with tears in her throat.
“Shh.”Ikiss behind her ear and squeeze her tightly. “Ilove you too,Rachel.”
