AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I … I don't know,” I answered stupidly. “I guess I just want to know—”
“What? You were hoping both of your parents weren't pieces of shit?”
That wasn't at all what I had wanted to say, and I winced. “I've never called you a piece of shit, Diane.”
She wagged the burning end of the cigarette at me, ash falling to my feet. “You didn't need to say it. I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your voice every time you call me by my name.Diane,” she mocked, her nose wrinkling with disgust. “I know you hate me, kiddo, and that's fine. Whatever Igottado to keep you the fuck away from here. But”—she shook her head, chuckling with something like bitterness—“you just keep coming back, don't you?”
I opened my mouth to reply, to ask what she was talking about, when the sound of a door slamming shut echoed through the air. Her eyes widened, the way they had upstairs, immediately full of fear and worry, as she looked over her shoulder. Staying still. Staying quiet. Listening.
I tried to glance through the trees and see what she was looking for. “What are you—”
She whipped her head around to stare at me. “You need to get the hell away from here. Do you understand me? Andstaythe fuck away. I don't want to ever see you back here.”
“What—”
“I mean it.” She spoke through clenched teeth, her voice quaking and her hands shaking. “Go. Live your life. That's all you’ve ever wanted, right? To get away from here? Now, you got it. So,go.”
I thought about mentioning that I had wanted to take her with me all those years ago. That I had savedall ofthat money so that we could start over somewhere else—somewhere better—together. But what would be the point now?
So, I reached out and gripped her shoulder, startled by how frail and bony it was. “What are you afraid of? What—”
She thrust her hands against my chest. The impact did nothing but send a message. “Soldier,leave. Get in that car over there before anyone sees you andgo.”
“Okay.” I stomped the cigarette out with the heel of my boot on the concrete surrounding the perimeter of the building. Then, I pulled a pen from my pocket. “But I'm givingyoumy number.”
“Oh,Jesusfucking Christ …” She sounded shrill as she pulled at the dry strands of her hair. “You can’t—”
“You don't have to call me,” I said, scribbling the digits onto an old receipt I had on me. “But if you needhelp, ifyou need me … if you needanything… I'm here. Okay?”
“What Ineedis for you to go—”
“Mom.” I took her hand and stuffed the crumpled slip of paper into her clammy palm. “I'mhere.”
Her chest rose and fell with every heavy breath. Her eyes stared into mine, misting with tears, as her lips pinched around every protest she kept locked inside her mouth.
Neither of us spoke in those few seconds of shared air, but everything she felt was spoken in her eyes. Her regret. Her failure. Her abundance of apologies. I could feel every single one as the realization that this would truly be the lasttimeI saw my mother pierced my heart.
“I have to get some cigarettes and a few six-packs,” she announced quietly.
I nodded, too acutely aware of the pain and anguish tugging at my nerves. “Okay.”
She hung her head and turned around, ready to walk away, when she abruptly stopped. She pulled in a deep breath before spinning on her heel, dropping her purse, and allowing her arms to fly up and around my shoulders. I bent at the waist, pulling her in for a tight hug—maybe the realest, truest embrace we'd ever shared in my entire life.
“You know,” she said, speaking against my shoulder, “I always hoped he was your father. I always hoped you'd be more like him.”
I said nothing as she pulled away and wiped her eyes, taking a step back and picking her purse up from the ground. She held her head higher and held the strap tight as she plastered a fake smile on her face.
“You are, Soldier. Like him, I mean.” She nodded as she continued moving backward, leaving the shelter of the trees. “You're a good man, and he was, too.”
Then, she was gone, hurrying away before I could utter another word.
My eyes burned with impending tears, and my lungs deflated with a sigh. I shook off her abrupt departure before taking a step in the direction of Harry's car.
But then something caught my eye.
Something bright against the ground of soil and dead grass. A piece of paper maybe.
This wasn’t here before, I thought as I bent to pick it up. I would've noticed when I had stomped out the cigarette.It must've fallen out of her bag when she dropped it.
