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Officer Kinney passed me on the way out, nodding his chin in my direction.
“I understandyafeel helpless,” he said.
You have no fucking idea, dude.
“Things like this …” He shook his head. “They just don’t happen here, so to see it happen now … it’s unsettling. And I’m sorryyahad to walk in to see whatyasaw. I can’t imagine.”
“Yeah,” I said on an exhale, crossing my arms over my chest tightly.
He hesitated, eyeing the pad of paper in his hand before looking back at me, uncertainty in his gaze. “Areyasureyadidn’t recognize him?”
Fucking hell, Ray.
My gut told me to tell him the truth. To tell him I knew exactly who it was. That this was my chance to bring the proverbial hammer down on that son of a bitch’s head. But my heart said I had to talk to Ray first. I had to know what was going on in her mind, why she hadn’t told him herself. And then I’d make a choice.
“Yeah,” I muttered. “I’m pretty sure.”
Patrick nodded slowly, sending his gaze downward toward the floor. “Igottabe honest withya…” He lifted his eyes again, his half-hearted, lopsided smile full of apology. “I almost thought he might’ve been connected to your past.”
I couldn’t help but huff a sardonic chuckle because that Officer Patrick Kinney was a smart guy for such a small-town cop who had very likely never seen the type of shit I’d experienced.
But I couldn’t tell him that, so I just shook my head and said, “When I have something to tell you, man … I’ll let you know.”
Whether he could read between those lines or not, I wasn’t sure. He just flattened his lips into a tight line and nodded slowly.
“All right,” he relented. “I already said this to Ray, and I’m sure I don’t need to say it to you, but I’m going to anyway. If you see something”—he clapped a hand over my shoulder—“say something. Yahavemy number.”
“Yep.”
“All right.” He nudged his chin in the direction of the ER bay where Ray was waiting, shaken up and hurt. “Go take care of her.”
“I will,” I promised before turning around and heading back inside.
***
I convinced Ray to come stay at my place—at least until we knew she and Noah were safe. Ray—wearing a nasal cast and claiming she was fine when, obviously, she wasn’t—made a joke about using the incident as an excuse for them to move in with me, and I shut her down with a hardened look as she quietly carried some of her clothes into my bedroom.
“I’m not laughing, Ray,” I said, keeping my voice down to prevent Noah from hearing me.
He was busying himself in the living room, setting up his Switch on my new TV.
His TV had been broken in the fight.
“Well, if you can’t laugh at life, then you’re just letting the bad guys win,” she muttered beneath her breath.
But theyarewinning. Doesn’t she see that?
I shook my head and slowly closed the door, letting it click shut before speaking again. “Why didn’t you tell Patrick the truth?”
Ray wouldn’t look at me as she carefully placed her clothes into thedrawerI’d cleaned out for her. “You know why.”
“No, I really don’t. Goddammit, Ray. You could’ve gotten him arrested. He could be sitting in a fucking jail cell right now with a restraining order against him, but youlet him go.” I shook my head and sat down on the bed, clapping my hands against mythighsand feeling helpless. “Why? Why the hell would you do that?”
She was silent, staring into the open drawer at the shirts she’d just placed inside. Jesus … I knew I couldn’t begin to know what it was like to be her. To be a victim in this way. To be hurt repeatedly, physically … mentally. To be used and broken. I couldn’t begin to understand what it was like for her, and I wouldn’t pretend to. But what I wanted was to help. To protect her, to save her. And how the hell was I supposed to do that when she wouldn’t try to protect herself?
“You were going to kill him,” she finally whispered.
“Yes.” I nodded to her back.
