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I chewed at my lip, wondering if I even wanted to say it aloud when tonight had already been so nice. Would I ruin it all by allowing that persistent black cloud to hang over us? But Ray was so insistent with those soft, big green eyes, watching my every move, and I felt I couldn’t run away from this. I felt I didn’t want to.
“My best friend died today,” I admitted. “The same night I was arrested. Ten years ago.”
She held my gaze for a moment, not at all surprised by the admission, before letting her head hang as she nodded in a way that said she had already known and had somehow forgotten. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “That must suck, having to share your birthday with such a horrible memory.”
“Honestly”—I laughed, beside myself—“it’s not the first. But it’sdefinitely theworst, and yeah, it does suck.”
Her hands clenched at her sides before she blurted out, “Did you actually kill him?” She shook her head immediately after and spun quickly on her heel, facing the sink again. “You know what? No, never mind. Don’t answer that.”
I swallowed, allowing a war to begin in my head. I had only known Ray and Noah for a few weeks now. They were my only friends in town, and I liked the bond we had seemed to build on honesty and a lack of judgment. But an admission like this was a heavy one. It could be simultaneously destructive andfreeing, and what would I do if the only friends I’d made decided they no longer wanted to know me? What was I supposed to do then?
I can’t expect her—or anyone—not to care, but what if she simply accepts it?
Or she could just look up my damn name and find out for herself.
But wouldn’t it be better to hear it from me?
And with that thought, I let a breath whoosh from my lungs and was sure to keep my voice low—too low for Noah to hear—as I said, “His death was the result of something I’d done, but, no, I didn’t intentionally kill him.”
Ray turned from the sink, bringing her green gaze to mine. Her eyes were so kind, so bright, and I swore I recognized them from somewhere I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
“So, you’re not really a murderer?”
I shook my head. “Despite what some people might want to believe, no, I’m not a murderer.”
She exhaled deeply, her cheeks deepening in color with a hint of embarrassment as she nodded. “Iactuallykindaknew that. I had googled you a while back. I knew you were convicted of manslaughter, but … you know … people cover stuff up, and—”
“Not in this case,” I told her, offering a reassuring smile.
“Still,kindaweird that a guy who killed someone is standing in my kitchen.” She swept her gaze around the small room before letting her eyes fall back on me. “Feels like it should be scarier.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and smirked. “Are you saying I don’t scare you?”
“Well, do you want to hurt me?” she asked, almost as a challenge.
I shook my head. “No. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
“So, then, no, you don’t scare me.”
My eyes narrowed as I tried to peer into my past while déjà vu barreled through me like afreakin’ freight train. Where had I had a similar exchange before? And why couldn’t Iremember, ifthe moment felt so familiar?
Ray pulled a box from the refrigerator and opened it, revealing a cake that was the perfect size for three. The sight of it brought on the same emotions I had felt a year ago, when Harry gave me a slice of pizza on my thirtieth birthday.
God, how was that only one year ago?
It hit me all at once,all of a sudden, that it was possible for guys like me to be surrounded by good people. People unrelated by blood. People who’d made the choice to know me and like me, simply for being myself, despite the shit I’d been convicted of.
“Are you okay?” Ray asked, eyeing me with concern.
Realizing my eyes had begun to tear up, I cleared my throat and blinked them away. “Yeah,” I said, nodding. “All good.”
“Okay,” she said with a smile before calling Noah back to the table.
They sang “Happy Birthday,” and we ate the cake, which was delicious. After, it was Noah’s bedtime and mine, and I had a cat to feed. So, I wished them both a good night and counted the thirteen steps between her place and mine, knowing that it undoubtedly was a very, very good night.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
A MONSTER NEXT DOOR
