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I shook my head, both to respond and to remove the image of Tammi from my mind. “It wasn’t like that. She, um …” I glanced around me, making sure none of the other shoppers were within listening distance. “She wasn’t a real girlfriend. I didn’t like her much, and I’m pretty sure she only liked me for … what I did, and, um …”
Shame coiled up from the collar of my long-sleeved shirt and wrapped tightly around my neck. Thoughts of the things Tammi would do to me while stoned out of her mind off the pills I had given her filled my head. Memories of the things I’d do to her in exchange as thanks. It all felt like so long ago—a lifetime even—but the beads of sweat dotting my forehead made it all seem like yesterday.
How could I have ever been like that? That wasn’tme. It was never who I wanted to be, so why the hell had I done it?
“It’s okay. The past doesn’t matter anymore,” Ray said, as if reading my mind. “We’ll go out on a proper date, and I’ll show you how nice it is.”
She said it with so much confidence and determination, and I wondered if it was for my benefit or hers.
***
Three days later, that Friday, Noah stayed at his grandparents’ house, and I walked the thirteen steps it took to get from my stoop to Ray’s porch. I held in my hand a bouquet of sunflowers I’d bought from the florist in town and knocked on her door. When she answered, wearing the prettiest white dress I had ever seen, I was glad I’d decided at the last minute to wear the shirt and pants I’d worn on Christmas with Harry’s family.
“Look at you,” she said softly, leaning against the door and smiling as she let her eyes wander from the top of my head all the way down to my feet.
“I could, but I think I’d rather look at you instead.” I held out the flowers. “These are for you.”
Her smile grew as she accepted them. “This might be your first date, but you’re the first man to bring me flowers.”
I chuffed and rolled my eyes to the ceiling. “Oh, come on.”
She left the doorway to head into the kitchen, and I followed, closing the door behind me.
“I’m serious,” she said, standing on her toes and stretching her arm to try and reach for a dusty vase on the top of her refrigerator.
I handed it to her before she could pull a muscle.
“Show-off.” Her eyes teased while that smile never left her face.
She took the vase from me and laid the flowers on the counter before washing the murky blue glass and filling it with water. I waited patiently, standing by thefridgeand watching her in that white dress with hundreds of flowers scattered all over. It held her curves in a way that made me jealous, and I had to will my dick to hold on to some self-control.
He had none. But if Ray noticed, she didn’t let on as she put the flowers into the vase and turned to place them on the table.
“I have only ever dated one guy,” she admitted, allowing her smile to droop a little as she arranged the big yellow blooms. “And he was never really romantic.”
She was implying that I was, and I snorted. “I’m not sure I’d say I’m romantic either.”
Ray’s smile returned as she looked at the flowers, then at me, a new and different twinkle in her eyes. “You might not see it,” she said, turning to head for the open door. “But I do.”
I followed.
I thought I would follow her anywhere.
***
We could have taken her car to the restaurant, but we decided to walk instead.
I knew Ray was only a nickname, but strolling beside her, with the sun bringing light to the golden streaks in her golden-brown hair, an old, familiar tune rang through my head.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…
It reminded me of my mother, but more than that, it reminded me of her. Of Ray. Of the streaks in her hair, as bright as the rays of sunlight casting shadows over the world around us.
Everyone waved to her as we passed. Everyone smiled. They looked at us with fondness, and I tried to imagine what they must’ve thought, seeing us together.
What does she see in him? She could do so much better. Why would she stoop so low?
But … no, maybe not. Their smiles were too genuine, too adoring.
