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My phone rang, and I pulled it out to see Ray's face light up the screen. With a smile I couldn't contain, I answered as Kylie handed the two drinks to me.
“Hey.”
“Hey,Brawny. Are you here for dinner tonight?”
“Um … I'm not sure. I'm at Black & Brewed now, and we're just sitting down with coffee,” I admitted. I had told Ray I was meeting Billy's mom—Laura—and she was more than supportive, but I’d neglected to tell her what time I’d be seeing her.
“Oh! I'm sorry. I should've texted. I didn't realize,” Ray quickly replied. “Sorry.”
Her constant need to apologize profusely for little things like calling me at inopportune moments made me grit my teeth, knowing what had instilled those insecurities and fears in her.
“You're fine,” I assured her, placing both cups on the table.
Laura mouthed,Thankyou, before eyeing the phone pinned between my ear and shoulder curiously.
I asked Ray, “What are you cooking?”
“Noah really wanted meatloaf, so it's in the oven now.”
“Oh, damn.” I took my seat and gripped the paper cup of coffee. “You know I love your meatloaf.”
Ray giggled, as if meatloaf were a code word for something else. “So, should I save you some?”
“Yeah, I'll be over later.”
“Okay.” There was a smile in her voice, and that made me smile too. “You have your key?”
“Yes, ma'am,” I said, thinking about the spare key she had given me that morning before we both left for work.
“Okay. I'll see you later. Good luck with your friend's mom.”
“Thanks.”
Then, she was gone, and with a smile I couldn’t help and warmth surrounding my pulsing heart, I tucked the phone away. My eyes lifted to find Laura watching me with a knowing glint in her eye as she brought her cup to her lips.
“Sorry,” I said needlessly, gesturing to my pocketed phone. “That was my girlfriend.”
“I figured,” she jabbed playfully over the brim of the cup. “She makes you blush.”
“What?” I rubbed my palm against my cheek. “Nah … it's—”
“It'scute,” she said, finishing my sentence with a teasing grin.
Then, she sighed, resting her chin in herhandand staring across the table at me with a wistful, melancholy look in her eyes. I didn't know what to make of it, just as I hadn't known what to do with her reactions back in the cemetery or the sadconfessionshe’d made just minutes before. So, I shifted in my seat and smiled uncomfortably before bringing my coffee to my lips and taking a long pull.
Then, she dropped her hand to the table and gripped her cup as she said, “I remember this one time, years ago, when I dropped Billy off at your grandparents' house. Your mother was God knows where. I watched you boys run upstairs to your room, and I said to your grandmother, 'Do you ever wonder what's going to happen to him?' And I … I don't know why I said it. It was probably an awful thing to say, and I probably should've kept it to myself, but I always worried about you, and I know your grandparents did too.
“Anyway, your grandmother said, 'As long as I'm around, he'll have the best damn life I can give him, and I just have to hope that'll be enough to carry him through when I'm gone.' And I was just thinking about that—about how she'd be happy to see you now, to know that whatever she and your grandfather had done was truly enough.”
My throat constricted around a toughened ball of emotion. I hadn't expected her to drop emotional bombs like these. I hadn't expected her to mention Gramma and Grampa. God, I could talk about my mother forever without shedding a tear, but bring Gramma and Grampa into the conversation, and I could easily turn into a blubbering baby. But then she’d had to mention them being proud of me now, after everything …
Fuck, it was laughable, honestly.
“I don't …” I cleared my throat and shook my head. “I don't think they'd think too highly of me, personally …”
“No.” She shook her head, keeping her gaze soft. “Some horrible mistakes were made, yes, but you were never lost to them, Soldier, and that's what matters. That's what made you who you are today; that's why you are where you are now. You said it was luck before, but, no, there's nothing lucky about it. It comes down to you and your good heart and soul and nothing more than that. And that … that was your grandparents, and it was obviously enough. More than enough even. They would be so proud of you, and I am too.”
***
