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I pushed off the floor and onto my knees, thrusting my hands into the strands of my hair, still damp from the shower. My mind was never going to stop with the questions, and I knew it, but what the hell was I supposed to do about it? The guy was dead. He’d been dead for twenty-five years.
But his girlfriend is still alive.
No. I shook my head furiously.Don’t even go there.
But she would have answers.
“Fuck,” I groaned, stretching the word out until I had no breath left while sliding my hands over my face and beard.
The last thing I wanted was to contact my mother. She had made it very clear she wanted nothing to do with me, and I’d made it just as clear that I was making a clean break from her toxicity once and for all—and I had. My life was good. My life was exactly what I’d always dreamed it could be, and the last thing I wanted to do was jeopardize it by seeing Diane Mason.
But I hadn’t planned on this, had I?
***
At work the next day, after even less sleep than I’d gotten the night before, I made the reluctant decision to see my mother one last time—and this time, I meant it; itwouldbe the last. But I knew damn well I wasn’t going to rest without at least asking her the questions I had endlessly parading through my head.
But I also knew I couldn’t ask Ray to accompany me.
Levi might be there, and even if he wasn’t, Diane might tell him.
I couldn’thavehim know Ray and I were connected because he would run to Seth. I couldn’t risk Seth coming back—even though, chances were, he’d eventually come back anyway. But I had to let that happen of his own accord and not out of revenge for me.
So, on my lunch break, I called the next person—the only one—I could think of.
“Soldier!” Harry answered on the first ring. “How the hell areya, son? How long’s it been? Two days?”
I chuckled. Harry and I talked a lot.
“I’m good. How are you?”
“Can’t complain. Vacation has been nice. Relaxing.”
“Good for you, man. What have you been doing?”
“Ah, just some stuff around the house. Painting the deck, fixing the steps … you know.”
I snorted. “Igottabe honest with you, Harry … that sounds like a really shitty vacation.”
He laughedwithme. “Hey, at least I’m getting Sarah off my back about this stuff. Happy wife, happy life. Remember that.”
I couldn’t help but smile at the implication that I mightactually havea wife one day.
Shit … would Ray say yes right now if I asked her to marry me?
We hadn’t even exchangedI loveyousyet, but … something in my gut told me sheactually mightaccept my proposal … if I asked, I mean. Which I wouldn’t. Not yet. But …
Shit.
I had to give my head a little shake to remind myself that wasn’t what I was calling about. Then, I said, “Hey, so, Harry, I, uh … I was wondering if you could maybe give me a ride somewhere.”
“Yeah, sure. Where did you have in mind?”
He had agreed before even knowing the destination.
Harry was, as I’d said before, a good friend.
“My mom’s place.”
