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I look from Layna to the photo and back again. Something about her words make me think she’s talking about more than just a fish. I think about the way she and Piper lost their mother so suddenly when she was still just a girl. She’d had to grow up faster than most kids. She’d taken on the responsibility of raising her little sister when she probably still wished she had someone to look after her. I wonder how many sacrifices she made along the way. I’m willing to bet there were plenty, and all of them way more important than a damned fish.
I think about the protectiveness I’ve seen in Layna’s gaze when she looks at her sister and I feel like I understand her a little better now. She’s always so tough, so guarded. But it’s because she’s had to be. She’s always had to be the strong one. It can’t have been easy, never being able to lean on anyone else for help. I want to tell her she can lean on me, but I know what kind of reaction that would get from her.
“It must have been hard,” I finally say. “Being the one who had to take care of it all.”
She looks at me, confusion in her eyes.
“After your mom,” I say. “That must have been so hard.”
She turns back to the photo before she speaks. “It was. And it wasn’t.”
She reaches out her hand and brushes her fingers over the picture.
“People always act like I did some heroic thing, but I didn’t. I just did what anyone would do. She’s my sister. She was the only family I had left. Of course, I was going to step up. It didn’t matter what I planned to do after high school. It didn’t matter that I had scholarships and a class schedule. None of it mattered to me anymore. It’s crazy how fast your whole life can change because one drunk idiot decided he was okay to drive home.”
I feel a lump in my throat. I’d known the story from Luke, but I’ve never heard Layna talk about her mother’s death. I still don’t know all that she went through back then. I doubt I ever will. But I know she’s wrong about one thing.
“I do think it’s heroic,” I say. “You didn’t just raise your sister. You raised her to be the amazing woman she is while simultaneously not giving up on your own dreams. You did more than some people ever dream of doing. You should be proud of that.”
“Piper is pretty amazing,” she concedes.
I notice she doesn’t say anything about being proud of herself. I wish I knew why she’s so hard on herself. I wish I could convince her of how amazing she is. Before I can figure out what to say, Layna turns to look at me, all traces of sadness gone from her expression. Her expression is teasing now.
“Tick tock, Cole,” she says, raising one brow in challenge.
It’s clear that she’s finished talking about herself and her past. It’s too bad. In the past few minutes, I feel like I’ve learned more about who she is and why than in all the months we’ve been fooling around. But I can tell she’s shutting down that vulnerable part of herself again. I just hope it’s not the last I get to see of it. I force myself to smile as I gesture toward the stairs.
“Let’s go.”
Chapter 18
PresentDay
Cole
After lunch with Layna, I’m struggling to come to terms with my newfound realizations. I sit in my truck, parked outside the restaurant for nearly an hour after she drives away. What the hell happened? All I know for sure is that I want Layna. And not just in a sexual way. Not just in a ‘I wonder what it would be like to date her’ way. I want her in the kind of way that has me wondering what our kids will look like. And that terrifies me. I’ve never thought about kids with anyone before. I’ve never even thought about a real future with anyone before. But now? It’s all I can think about. And I can picture exactly how it would look.
We’d have a dog. Layna’s a dog person, for sure. Our house wouldn’t need to be too large or ostentatious. She’d want to decorate the house her way, that’s for sure. And I’d be happy to let her. I’d be happy to let her direct every aspect of our lives, so long as we spend them together. And kids. She mentioned kids before. I know she wants them. And she’d be an amazing mom. I picture her holding a tiny dark-haired baby in her arms and smiling up at me.Whoa!My thoughts screech to a halt in my brain.
What the hell happened during that 45-minute lunch? I barely recognize my own thoughts. Kids? A dog? What the hell? Layna holding a baby? Who am I? I need to try and make sense of what I’m feeling, but my thoughts are a jumble. My brain feels overwhelmed with this new knowledge. I wish I had someone to talk it out with. Someone I trusted to be honest with me about the situation. But the only person who knows I’ve been having a secret fling with Layna is Layna. And I damned sure can’t talk to her about it. Not while she’s currently planning a way to ask Michael to be her date for the wedding. Remembering Michael has me grinding my teeth almost painfully.
I could talk to Linc. My brother has always been level-headed and responsible. He’d tell me if I was being stupid or if I was on the verge of ruining my life. He also knows me better than anyone else in the world. I know I promised Layna to keep this secret, but how much does it really matter now? It’s over between us. Besides, I need to talk to someone before my head explodes and I run to Layna and beg her to date me or fuck me or just take pity on me and put me out of my misery. Besides, she never needs to know I told Linc. He can keep a secret. If anything, he owes me for keeping his crush on Harlow a secret for a decade. If I ask him not to say anything to Harlow, he won’t. It’ll piss him off, but he'll keep it quiet.
Before I can change my mind or talk myself out of it, I drive to the house he shares with Harlow. I’m hoping she’s not home because I don’t have much of a plan for if she is. I don’t see her car in the driveway, but that’s no guarantee. If she answers the door, I’ll just ask to talk to Linc. Maybe I can get him to go for a drive with me. Yeah. That’ll work.
When my brother answers my knock on the front door, I sigh in relief.
“Cole,” he says, giving me a confused look. “What’s up?”
“I need to talk to you,” I say, pushing past my brother to get into the house. I look around for Harlow or Ella, but I don’t see either of them. “Are you alone?”
Linc just looks at me as he closes the door. “Hello to you, too,” he says. “Harlow took Ella out shopping. Why?”
I take a seat on the couch and run a hand through my hair. “Because I screwed up and I need to talk to someone.”
He eyes me for a moment, his gaze shifting from confusion at my arrival to calm seriousness in a heartbeat.
“Tell me what happened,” he says, taking the chair opposite me.
