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Because I’m looking for any excuse to spend just a few more minutes alone with you.But I don’t say that. Because I’m not ready to say it aloud. And I don’t think she’s ready to hear it. And I’m scared she’ll tell me it’s just sex again. I don’t know if I can stomach hearing that again. Not after last night.
“Because I want to,” I say lamely.
She holds my gaze in the mirror for a long moment but doesn’t speak.
“Why won’t you ever let anyone take care of you?” I ask.
She gives me a playful smile, not realizing that my question was serious. “Why?” she asks. “Do you want to?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “Why is that such a crazy idea?”
She turns back to the mirror, running the brush through her hair and scoffs. I don’t know why I need to press the issue now, of all times. My best friend is getting married in just a few hours and we’re both in the wedding party. The last thing I need to do is make things awkward between us now. But something in me won’t let this go until I know.
“Seriously,” I say. “Tell me why you keep pushing me away but not Michael? You were going to try to have a relationship with him, but you won’t even consider it with me. Why?”
Her hand stills and she lowers the brush to the table, but she doesn’t turn to look at me. I know I’m about to say things I can’t take back. I know whatever happens next, I might just be signing the death certificate on whatever is happening between me and Layna. But I can’t seem to stop myself.
“And don’t think I don’t know better,” I say. “You didn’t really want him. You were never going to be happy with someone like that. So, why him? Why him and not me?”
I watch as Layna takes in a shuddering breath before lifting her gaze to focus on me in the mirror. When she speaks, her voice is low.
“Because he was safe,” she says. “Because you were right. I never need anyone. The only person I ever needed left me. And it wasn’t her fault, but she did it. And that broke something in me. Maybe it broke me altogether. I don’t know. But I couldn’t show that. Because then I was the one who was needed. I couldn’t fall apart. I had to be strong for Piper. I had to show her that we’d be okay. I had to be a mom when I still needed mine.”
Her voice breaks on the last word and my heart breaks in my chest for the eighteen-year-old girl who lost her mom so suddenly.
“Layna, I can’t imagine what that was like. I wish I knew what to do or say to fix that hole in your life.”
She shakes her head, still looking into the mirror instead of turning to face me.
“That’s just it,” she says, her tone careful. “I never wanted someone to fill that hole in my life. I never wanted to fall in love with anyone. I just wanted someone safe to build a life with. Someone I could marry and have kids with. Someone who—”
I can’t stop the derisive laugh that comes out. “Someone not me, I guess.”
She shakes her head, opening her mouth to speak as she finally turns to face me. But I’m filled with a sudden anger at her ‘explanation’ and I find I don’t want to hear the rest of it. This is her way of telling me, yet again, why I’m not right for her. I’m too young. I’m too wild. I’m not ‘safe enough’, whatever that means.
“I don’t know why I’m surprised,” I let out another humorless laugh. “You do this every time. I don’t know why I thought it was different this time. But I can’t even blame you. Not really. You’re the same woman you’ve always been. The same Layna who just wanted a fling with the small-town guy you thought you’d never see again. You’ve never pretended to be more. This is my fault for expecting things to be different just because I—”
I clamp my mouth shut against the words I wish I could say.
“Cole, I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be,” I say, my voice hard.
There’s something in her expression that might be pain, but I don’t trust my own thoughts and feelings where she’s concerned. It’s too easy to imagine what I want to see and hear. All at once, fury surges inside me and I need to get out of here before I say something I can’t take back.
“I get it. You can’t change who you are, right? But don’t expect me to wait around for you to figure your shit out. I’m done. This was the last time. I hope it was worth it.”
“Cole, wait.” She reaches for me, but I pull away before she can touch me.
“Damn it, Layna,” I bite off. “Don’t.”
She goes still, and I wait to see if she’ll say or do anything to stop me from leaving. When she just looks at me, her brown eyes shining with unshed tears, I feel my anger burn even brighter.
“I can’t just be the person you fuck when you’re too afraid to feel something,” I say, my voice icy.
She recoils as if I struck her and part of me wants to call back the words. But I don’t. I meant them, even if they hurt. So, no matter how much that stricken look in her eyes haunts me, I don’t apologize. Instead, I turn and walk away, leaving her alone in my hotel room.
Chapter 31
