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Harvey, though, had said enough. No more. He didn’t want me to look like some biker, even though that’s what he said drew him to me in the first place…
Enough crying. Enough of feeling sorry for myself. That’s never been me. Harvey, I could blame for a lot, sure. But I was a grown man, and I was responsible for myself.
So, that morning, he was drinking coffee at the table in the kitchen, the one that overlooked the city. We were twenty stories high, and I knew he liked that so he could look down on people. I knew I had to leave that morning. After watching myself in the mirror and after the dream, the thought hadn’t left me for a minute.
I thought of telling him. I poured him a second cup of coffee and sat across from him, feeling the words pushing up in my throat, making it dry, and I had to swallow around them a few times.
“Did you need something?”
The question threw me for a loop. “Huh?”
He set his phone on the table and gave me his full attention, which included that scowl on his flat face. His green eyes were unmoving, blond brows drawn together so tight, they appeared to be one long eyebrow.
Looking at him at that moment, I wondered why I’d stayed at all. There was no care in his eyes for me. And to be fair, I didn’t care a bit for him anymore, either.
“Did you need something? I have about ten minutes before I have to leave.”
Leave… that was the word, right? I wanted to leave, but to tell him made me feel like my balls had shrunk and I had no tongue at all. All I did was stare at him for a few seconds, then I lowered my eyes to the table.
“Eli, I don’t have time for your theatrics.”
“Theatrics?” I asked him, then looked back up to see that impatient face he gave me whenever he thought I’d have some complaint. “I’m sitting here, that’s it. If you want theatrics, I can give them to you.”
“Sure. Listen, table this until tonight. I’ve got to go to work, and you have things to do around here, isn’t that right?”
I thought,sure, I do.I need to pack my shit.
See, there comes a time in every relationship that was maybe a little abusive, in subtle or big ways, that a person knows they need to go. It’s funny that it’s usually something small that pushes it right over the edge, and for me, that morning was him claiming I was being theatrical when I was just sitting there quietly.
As soon as he left, I threw my clothes into a duffle bag. It was one I’d had forever, and it fit a lot, but I didn’t care to take much. I’d leave the fancy suits I’d wear out with him and the three-hundred-dollar socks. I laughed as I picked up a pair of them, folded, never rolled, in order of color, and wondered why anyone would pay that much for fucking socks.
Suddenly, all the guilt I was feeling was gone as I stared at that pair of fucking socks. His snide face, the stupid socks, all of it sloughed off me like I’d taken a bath in acid, and all the crap burned away in that moment. Sure, I’d already decided to go, but I had felt weird about it until then.
The only problem was money. I had none. I’d kept my bike up, and I had always known why. To have the means to escape. I didn’t have the time to ride much, and Harvey hated when I rode, anyway. He pretended it was out of concern, but I knew better.
I walked over to the closet, which was as big as my first apartment, and went inside the thing, seeing all of Harvey’s suits lined up on three walls, in order of color, of course. They went from whites to blacks, with every color in between, but that wasn’t why I’d gone into the room.
Another wall was filled with shoes- dress, workout, tennis, jogging, and business. Under those shelves were the drawers that were filled with Harvey’s jewelry.
Thankfully, he wasn’t one for pinky rings or thick gold chains, but he loved his watches. He had rows and rows of them, and another five drawers with cufflinks. Any of the pairs of cufflinks or one watch would finance me for as long as I needed until I could get somewhere, find a place to live and work.
I stared at the yellow gold, the titanium, the white gold. I stared at the ruby cufflinks, the diamond, all set in gold or other precious metals.
Back to the watches. I picked up one of those that Harvey loved but rarely wore, being he didn’t particularly like the reddish-brown, alligator leather used for the band. It was an A. Lange & Söhne, and if I remembered correctly, was worth nearly fifty large.
Fifty thousand dollars for a watch. Another thing I hated was that someone could throw that kind of money around, like it was nothing, for him to show off to his friends. I picked that thing up and hated Harvey for it, for all of it. A burst of hatred so bad ran through me that I felt like smashing all the fucking watches in all the drawers, then slash the suits to top it off.
I didn’t. I got ahold of myself long enough to close the drawers, but not before I stuck the A. Lange & Söhne watch into my pocket.
Sure, I knew it was wrong. I’m not stupid. At least, most of the time I have a decent head on my shoulders, but fuck him.Fuck him.
Less than an hour later, I was on my bike and heading out of the city. The cars around me felt like they were leading me away from the half-life I’d been living. I rode with the wind in my face, with the sun on my arms, and the air blew away so much.
I felt free again, and that was a feeling that was so great, I didn’t recognize it. It had been a long time since I’d felt free.
I waited for two towns to pass before I found a pawnshop, and that one took one look at the watch and then at me, and the guy that had a huge mole over his right eye laughed in my face. Well, so much for that one. With only ten dollars in my wallet that had been there for almost two years, I worried that I’d be sleeping under a bridge for a while, begging for temp work.
Even that didn’t sound all bad compared to the apartment with Harvey.
