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My whole body was pushed hard into the wall, and my hands were brought behind my back, and all of it done fast, before I could figure out what was happening. I felt fabric against them, weaving around the two wrists, then tightening, all while my face was against the cold wall and my body pressed against it as well.
My feet were kicked apart so wide I thought I’d be made to do the damn splits, but then Noah was against me, one hand holding my bound wrists and the other threading fingers through my hair. “Settle down, now, colt. Settle down and listen to me. I’m right here, Eli. I’m not going anywhere.”
I screamed again, but it was choked out on a long sob that took all the rest of the wind from my lungs. As I sucked in air, I heard him again.
“That’s it. That’s it, boy, settle yourself down. Ain’t a thing worth all that. Nothing’s worth that.”
That was it, he’d see that, he’d remember that, and it would be over. He’d kick me out. I knew it, and I would be alone again, trying to find some semblance of myself.
All the thoughts came to me, those times I was alone, the times I wished I was alone, instead of being surrounded by death and eyes that had lost their light. The same eyes I saw in Harvey’s face whenever I needed him most, dead, uncaring, the light gone, like the soul had left a vessel…
“I’m gonna take care of you now,” he said in my ear, in a stern but soft voice that didn’t register right away. The words he said were so foreign to me, I thought he was speaking another language. “You’re mine now, Eli. I am never letting another soul hurt you, but you have to settle down.”
One word. Of all of those that had been given to me, one stood out, and I stopped struggling, started to breathe and think again.
Mine.
He felt the tension leaving me and let up on me some, enough that he turned me around, though he didn’t untie my hands. “You here now?”
I could feel the blood rushing back into my limbs, tingling, and my head swam from the same. My chest still hurt like an elephant had stepped on it, and my breathing was ragged, but I was coming back to the world, such as it was. “I’m… here. I’m here, yeah.”
“Good,” he said, brushing my hair from my eyes. My ponytail had come out in the fit I’d had, and it was hanging down so I could barely see until that, his fingers brushing my skin as he moved my hair. “There, now. Look at me.”
I didn’t want to. I was embarrassed and still angry, but I did, and I saw steel in his eyes. More than that, though. I saw light. I saw a soul and care and maybe more that I refused to allow myself to hope.
“We’re going to fix all this. Do you hear me?”
“I… yeah. I hear you.”
“It’s time to tell you my story.”
I blinked away more tears, or I thought, but my eyes were dry. My mouth was too. I could only nod to him, and he moved back from me, then turned me around to take his handkerchief from my wrists.
“Come up to the house with me and we’ll get some coffee. This is going to… be long.”
I followed him like I was in a trance, and my feet moved, but I don’t remember moving them on my own. Even the ranch looked strange, like I was seeing it through carnival glass, and everything was distorted.
The trees, before so straight and tall, were twisted, and the ground felt like lava, ready to pull me in and bury me alive in liquid fire. In reality, it was cold enough to freeze the ground, but everything was off kilter.
Noah made coffee, and I sat in the living room, watching him as he built a fire in that big fireplace. The one with the picture of him and his husband on the mantel. As he crumpled the paper, he told me his story.
“My husband was a lawyer, and not just any lawyer. He was big time, worked in the city, in the capitol, and he’d be home every weekend, like clockwork. He’d take off his expensive shoes and get on his boots, pitching in with me to work the place all weekend.
“Made a ton of money. He was one of those lawyers that took five grand an hour, no less than a hundred thousand in a retainer, and he was worth it. No one he had for a client could deny that.”
The kindling was set on top of the paper, and he lit the long match, setting it there to burn the paper. I watched all of it while waiting him out for the words to come. I knew not to rush him. Hard things didn’t roll off the tongue easily.
He stood, but didn’t turn to me, and I knew he was staring at the picture of the man he loved. “What I didn’t know for a long time was that he was a gambler. Oh, it wasn’t slot machines or poker, no. It was the stock market. He saw dollar signs, told me we’d be set for life. No more cattle unless we wanted to, and we could breed horses, racers, studs, brood mares, and I liked that idea fine, but I didn’t like the way he was going about it.”
“See, my folks raised me to watch every dime. The market, well, I didn’t understand it much, so I figured he did, and it was his money, anyway. I didn’t want any of it, only what I’d worked for. Him, though, he couldn’t get enough, then in ’08, he lost it all. Lost every penny he’d made, and the few houses he’d invested in had to be sold, and he took a loss on just about everything.”
I imagined that. I’d never had much money, but losing any of it was hard.
“He kept working harder, longer hours. Thought he could make up for it, once the market got back and running. Poor investments, though, had a way of finding him. He hadn’t learned his lesson. He talked me into mortgaging the ranch. I didn’t want to do it, but love… it has a way of breaking through your good sense.”
My eyes closed then, and I knew that for Noah to care, he was taking more of a risk than most. He was afraid, and there I was, wanting to push him.
“We almost lost it, the ranch. Then, on the way home, near to where I found you broke down, he crashed into a tree. Heart attack, they said, made him lose control of the car. He died instantly, and low and behold, I got enough in the life insurance to pay off the ranch.”
