AllFreeNovel
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“I know that fear, babe. We all, in this community, have that. Being judged for the things we like to do, it’s difficult.”
We got home to find Burke helping Damon load hay onto Noah’s trailer. Noah got out, asking why, and Damon pointed to the sky. We saw it then. We’d been so preoccupied in the truck, talking about our tests and the therapy, we hadn’t noticed the black clouds, loaded with fresh snow, slowly moving our way.
“We’re gonna get snowed in, so we thought we’d batten down the cattle. We’ve got the horses all into the barn after a good run,” Damon explained. “I dragged this fucker up early, but he’s been a big help.”
“I might as well get used to the country life,” Burke groaned. “He’s gonna talk me into it now that he’s been here. He’ll never shut up.”
Damon laughed loudly and clapped his partner on the back. “You know me well!”
Noah shook each of their hands in thanks as he added, “We’d have been hustling like crazy.”
“Let’s go get the cows taken care of, check on things, and these two can get the house nice and warm for us for tonight.”
Noah nodded to me, then leaned over to peck my lips. “You okay?”
“I will be. I’m okay, Noah, just go. Burke’s here if I freak out or something.”
“I should be, but I gotta do this.”
We waved as they left, and I took another look around the place to make sure everything Noah would want done was. Burke followed me and started in almost immediately. “You got told to talk to someone.”
“Yeah. I noticed that wasn’t a question.”
“I know doctors, and I know you didn’t keep it from them. You know better. They find out, and it makes you look like you were trying to hide it. So? Are you?”
“Noah said he knows someone that knows someone.”
“Good.”
We were near the soddy, and I went to it, like it was a refuge. Burke followed, looking around inside again. “I really like this little place. I could see it, bookshelf, maybe a radio.”
“There was a radio. I broke it,” I admitted miserably. “Maybe they’re right.”
We sat on the bed, and he took my hand. “Eli, there’s no shame in it.”
“I’m not ashamed. It’s just… I have someone and something that helps me now.”
“Not enough. Noah and the lifestyle can’t fix everything. You were always so proud that you didn’t dive into drugs and alcohol to deal with your issues like so many of our people do. Burying yourself in BDSM, man, that’s the same thing.”
“It is not!”
“Getting out of your head, buddy. It’s the same thing. I’m not saying you’re wrong for loving the lifestyle. It’s good for us, really, but if you’re using it for anything besides feeling good, pushing yourself, stuff like that… if you’re using it to bury all your bad emotions, don’t you want to know?”
I hated it when he made a point, and he always made a point. “I really hate you.”
“Nah! I’m too gorgeous and intelligent, and magnanimous and all that other good shit, to ever be hated.”
I leaned over on him, then kissed his cheek. “Please move here. I need a friend around.”
“I am pretty sure I’ll be looking for places as soon as we get back to the city. I guess I’m tired too. I just don’t see how the hell we’ll find someone here.”
I moved up to look at him, worried. “You guys won’t…?”
“No. I love Damon, man, like crazy. Like you and Noah. We’ve been together a couple of years, and I can’t remember one second of regretting it. He’s mine, I’m his, but we have our needs, you know? I’m not saying we’ll get a boy and that’ll be it forever. We’re not the monogamous type. We like new bodies, new fun, but we would be a lot more settled if there was someone around to torture and love all the time.”
I stared at him in wonder. “I don’t think I could love anyone like I love Noah. Maybe I’m a sap, but he’s it for me.”
“That works for you guys!” He was laughing and he squeezed my hand. “You’ve been that way a long time. You just needed the right guy for it. That’s not easy in our world, Eli. You hit the jackpot. But a lot of us, we like to play around then come home to a special guy. Damon and I just so happen to play around together and come home together.”
