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“I don’t doubt that. You’re my best bodyguard, hands down. When I find you a client, I get praise from them about you. You are professional, reliable, and tough. But…you’re a man. You’re a fucking human, and you have feelings for that irritating, beautiful dude. There’s no shame in it, Hud. We want who we want.”
I sat back on the chair and sighed hard. “Maybe I don’t trust anyone else with Theo. Maybe…maybe I can’t imagine someone else caring enough to watch over him. That’s not saying your other people aren’t good. I know you’d never hook anyone up with clients you weren’t sure about, but I’m not you. I’m not…trusting.”
“Okay, man, I get it. Just letting you know; I know Theo feels the same. He’s letting hints drop left and right about it to the boys. Eli is fairly sure he’s hell-bent on having you.”
I was pissed and said sarcastically, “Great! He wants me to be his sub. That should work out well.”
“Eli told me he thinks Theo is ready to take on his role as a sub for you, but he can’t be sure.”
“That’s the problem with Theo. You can’t be sure of him. He goes off on a dime; he’s sexy one minute and a little fuck the next. I have to stay professional, if for no other reason than to keep my sanity.”
He leaned over to me and whispered, “Love crazy is the best kind of insanity.”
“Why are you pushing this?”
“Maybe it’s finally having my own loves. I see what it could be to find that perfect person, or persons, which can make everything okay with the world. We have to fight and hold onto our rights in a changing and cruel world. We have all kinds of things piling up against us, but to be in bed with them at night before Joel goes to his cage. That is the peace I need to get up and face another grueling day.”
“Peace.”
Burke confessed after a long, noisy sigh, “I didn’t find it in the city. I don’t want to give the country all the credit. Damon and Joel get that, but here, where you can walk outside and just breathe…it helps find that peace.”
If I was honest, if I had been watching Theo in the city, I might have killed him. Looking out the window after each frustration from the guy, it helped to see a bird lighting on a branch and preening with the backdrop of green grasses and a big, cloudless sky.
“It may be the only reason I’m still here.”
“I seriously doubt that.”
After that day, Theo started to walk around the house in skimpy clothes. That fucking robe covered more of him, even untied, compared to some of the things he chose to wear. Sometimes, he’d walk around in his tiny underwear, and I’m not too humble to say that it got to me. Being professional was one thing; being a eunuch was another. I finally understood why guards in the brutal old days used to be castrated for this fucking reason.
When the men came to install the new tub, sink, and toilet in his bathroom, I tried to keep him away, but he kept sneaking back to flirt with them. It set my teeth on edge, and I felt like throwing him through a fucking wall.
Yeah, I was overreacting about everything, but thankfully, I kept my temper and didn’t show Theo how much I hated his flirting. In my mind, I lied, telling myself his safety concerned me, but that was complete bullshit.
I’d never been jealous in my life. Anytime I was in a relationship, we were open and had fun together. I enjoyed seeing my partners with other men. It was a turn-on for me. Then, when I thought about it, with Theo, it would be hot too, but not without me there. That was the one thing…me not being in the middle with him.
One night, while I was making roast chicken and vegetables, Theo came into the kitchen with a crop top and short shorts that showed half his ass cheeks. “I need the credit card.”
“What for?”
“None of your business. Javi’s paying for it out of my own money. I did what you asked and told Danny there was no need to start a war for me. I need it. I could always use my own, but you told me not to use my cards.”
I got into my wallet and pulled it out, handing it to him with a scowl. “What are you buying?”
“None. Of. Your. Fucking. Business.”
Yes, a spanking, one that would make him scream and cry…
At dinner, he made my temper worse. Each bite he took, he stared at me while wrapping his full lips around the fork and sliding it slowly away, and then he’d chew while licking over his lips.
I tried not to look at him, but we were across from each other. If I looked anywhere but at him, he’d know I was avoiding looking at him, and that would make it worse. He’d know how much he was getting to me.
After dinner, I thought I’d be cut a break, as he’d slink off to his room, leaving me with the cleanup, but no such luck. He stood next to me at the sink. Okay, that didn’t describe it well; he stood beside me at the sink. Leaning into me, brushing my arm with his, his leg with mine. He smelled of that expensive shampoo and that subtle cologne he wore. It all mingled for me into a cloud of sexual frustration that made it so I could barely breathe.
I wasn’t a man to be toyed with, but what could I do? I worked for the man and was there to protect him, not flirt, not fuck.
More days passed like that, with glances at me that were pure fire, his touch out of nowhere. His words had softened only to the extent that he was no longer screaming in my face, but I still collected enough attitude from him to be richer than he was if it was money.
I’d go on long walks around the property, all while assuring no one was around that could hurt him. That was my only solace, those walks. I could clear my mind, think and find the peace that Burke told me he’d found.
