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That reminded me of a question. “When Theo was there, did he take the pain?”
“Yes, but nothing big. Theo was a paid guest, so we had a handbook for them. Unless they specifically wanted it, nothing that would mark them or worse. He was as aloof about it as he is here. I think he wants it, but he will fight it.”
“He’s searching for himself, in life in general, and the lifestyle.”
“Proceed gently but firmly. Theo needs this, and if he takes to pain, he’ll likely want much of it.”
I smiled, as I knew that was one area I could manage. “Gotcha.”
When Theo came out of the kitchen, I had him fetch the notebook where he’d gotten the paper to write his limits. When he returned, he got in front of me and handed it to me like he was giving me some gift.
“Kneel and hand it to me nicely.”
“I was nice! Did I once complain?”
“You are now.” After an exaggerated roll of his eyes, he gently handed it to me. “Thank you. Fuck, you’re a prick, Theo.”
“How?”
Ryan chuckled and said, “You need to tame this brat, Hud, but I have every confidence you can do it.”
“That’s to be seen.”
I started to write while Theo fidgeted. “Stay still,” I snapped at him.
“The floor is hard! Can’t I move the rug over here?”
“No. Take the discomfort and start getting used to it. I’m done being fucking nice to you.”
More gaping at me, but he shut up for once. I got back to writing, and like Ryan said, I channeled that man at the club, who would stomp through with eyes narrowed, searching out a sub to use for the night. Pretty boys all shaking their asses on the dancefloor, making out by the bathrooms, showing off their new harnesses or old chaps. The smell of sex ramped up my arousal as I watched them looking over at me, wondering how rough I’d get, how big my dick was, and if I knew how to use it if it was as big as they guessed.
They were all beautiful in their ways, with the eagerness to please, the need for their own sure, escaping the mundane pieces of their lives for a few hours.
I’d choose one, take him to my table and grill him about all the pain he could endure, how many filthy things he’d want me to do to him before he would scream out his safeword.
Yes, I loved Theo; I felt him so deep in my heart that he had it marked with his name in gashes. But that man that was alive before Theo was even in my crosshairs was still inside me. That dominant man loved the sound of leather or wood against the flesh, the screams, and whimpers of a man in pain.
I wrote out things I needed from Theo, something I wanted, and the more I wrote, the more that man rose from where I’d buried him while I was busy falling in love.
When I finished, I set the notebook down and looked over to see Ryan and Brett sitting in front of the fire; Brett leaned into Ryan as they whispered romantically. After all the stern things I’d written, it struck me that we could still do that, Theo, and me. Not that we’d gotten there yet, but one day, after he was tired from serving me, we’d sit in front of that fireplace and be together.
I patted the couch and said, “Come sit by me.”
He got up and started rubbing his knees. “That hurt.”
“Hush.”
I received a scathing look, but I simply smiled. When Theo sat close to me, I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and whispered, “I love you. That’s first.”
“Always first, you said that. What were you writing?”
His curiosity hurt worse than his knees, I was sure. “My expectations, your duties to me, and all this will be the first month. After this, we’ll renegotiate.”
After taking the notebook, he didn’t look at it. “Thanks…you know.”
“Don’t thank me yet. You’re not so happy about some of the things on the list, but unless you safeword and refuse to do them, you’re doing them all, or I am, to you.”
Eyes moving to the list, I felt him stiffen in my arm, but he didn’t say a thing until he’d read over the list, front and back of the page in the notebook.
