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“Safeword if it’s too much, but other than that, no screaming that I’m killing you.” I took his hands into mine and stared him in the eye so he’d know I was being entirely truthful. “Being your Master, to me, isn’t about ordering you around, and it’s not only for my pleasure. I want to care for you, protect you, and love you. I’d never hurt you past what you can manage, Theo. These things we’ll do, they are meant to bring us closer. They’re a very intimate way of showing each other trust and care that goes beyond just being partners. However, we’re always partners, under and over being Master and slave.”
“I know. I like that. I like knowing that you love me…for real, love me.”
“Don’t you ever doubt that, and if you do, talk to me? You talk to me if I do something that makes you think I don’t. I’ll always listen. I swear that.”
My boy’s eyes were a storm again, and I could tell he wanted to believe me. His life had thrown him in turmoil for so long it was hard for him.
“When I do this when I give you discipline, it is coming from love.”
As Theo nodded, his curls bounced around his sweet face, and I bought him to me, touching my lips softly to his before moving him to bend over the bed.
Placing the brush on the bed, near his face, where he’d see it, I moved my hand over his ass, warming it. Slapping anything against cold skin was torture, and discipline wasn’t meant to torture. I touched his hole a few times, making him jump, but mostly, he lay still. He wanted to behave; that was the thing. All the fighting against me those weeks, and all he wanted was to be good to me and for me.
Once his cheeks were warmed, I retook the brush and whispered, “Remember, quiet, baby. Our guests are likely still asleep.”
I laid down the first strike, and Theo jumped high, his hands clutching at the sheets, and I saw him biting his lip. “Don’t bite your lip or cheek. Don’t ever hurt yourself. That’s my job.”
A nod came, his face rubbing on the sheet, and I laid another strike across the same cheek. The brush was light, but in my hand, it felt heavy, like it meant much more than a thing used to brush hair or deliver a few swats.
The heaviness stayed with me while I gave Theo ten swats with it. I laid it on the bed and told him to come to me, and he did, moving like lightning, and he was in my arms, curled on my lap with his knees pressed to my chest and his. “I’m sorry, Hud! I’m sorry I was mean to you!”
“Honey, you haven’t been mean to me for a while now.”
He was sobbing, tears streaming down his face, and shaking all over. “I don’t like pain, I don’t like it, it hurt, it hurt, but…”
“But what, baby?”
He looked up at me and said, “I needed it! I…it was humiliating and frustrating, and it hurt, but I knew you did it because you care about me.”
“Of course I do, Theo. All of this, it’s because I care about you.”
Arms were wrapped tightly around my neck as he continued to sob there, drenching my chest. I held him, letting him cry because the tears were from much more than the pain of the swats.
After a few minutes, I carried him in my arms to the bathroom and set him on the toilet lid so I could start the shower. “I’m a fucking crybaby.”
“No, you’re not. It takes a strong man to show his emotions. You rarely show them. You let out your pain and anger with rudeness and snark.”
“Rude.”
“Shh. Don’t make me punish you first thing.”
His eyes got big as I held his hand, leading him to stand. “What…are you gonna do to punish me?”
“Lots of things, Theo, not just pain. Like it said in my list and the contract, I’ll decide, and I’ll decide what the punishment is depending on the crime. Like, say, you are rude to someone? I might keep you from speaking at all for a week.”
“That’s…harsh! You know I have a tough time controlling my mouth.”
“You’ll learn the hard way, then. Not even saying that will be the punishment. I’ll decide at the time. Theo, you either trust me to do this, or we stop. I need your trust first.”
“I trust you! I can’t help it if… I’m worried about punishments! I’ve never been punished, like ever!”
“I know. That will be hard for you, but it’ll always help you grow into a better person. A better friend, a better partner to me, a better human being. Words hurt, Theo, as you well know.”
He nodded and kissed me. “Thanks. I think.”
“Go get the shower ready for us. You’ll wash me, then help me dress while I decide what you’ll wear today.”
“Yes, Sir.”
