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“You’re the same, Hud. You remind me of him, but you’re a whole different person, and Theo, he’s…special. He’s…one of the best people I’ve ever met, and I never thought I would say that about him. Did you know that…I shouldn’t…”
“What? Please?”
“He just told me the other day that he spent his life searching for what the four of us have here. Love, yeah, but the closeness. To be ourselves without wearing the masks he’s always had to wear. That you were the one that gave him that permission, and we helped encourage it. He feels free to find out who he really is, and he’s already doing that.”
“I’ve seen it with the pig business and the photography and the way he watches out the window when he thinks no one’s looking, just with a tiny smile.”
“Hard not to love a guy like that.”
“Then don’t fight it, maybe. Love Theo. It doesn’t have to be romantic.”
His beautiful blue eyes, ringed with light green, looked into mine deeply like he’d taken part of Ryan when they’d fallen in love. His words were soft, barely audible, but they boomed inside me. “But it is, and you know it.”
“Yes. I do.”
He got up to leave the room with his coffee but stopped behind my chair and touched my shoulder. “Hud…you…”
His hand was warm, his heart warmer, and I closed my eyes, reeling at everything happening. It was too much, too soon, too hard, and too tempting.
When he left the room, I slurped down my coffee, got up, and got my heavy coat from the hanger by the door, getting outside and feeling like I was fleeing. I got on my phone to Burke, as I was at a loss for what to do as I goosestepped through the insanely high snow.
The vast flakes were still coming down, and it was hard to find landmarks to navigate, but I did see the top of the big elm, where Theo had been watching me that day when I was loading the grain bags. The day I saw the longing, the love he had growing for me. The same look that Brett had in his eyes at the table.
“Hud? Hey, how’re things?”
“Burke, man, I’m in a fucking hell over here, and it’s making me crazy. I think Theo and I are falling for our two guests and them for us, and it’s got me all fucked!”
“Whoa, whoa, what the hell? Aren’t they married?”
“Yes, but incredibly open. That’s not the point!” I stopped in the middle of a drift and didn’t even feel the cold.
“Okay, sorry, yeah, not the point. Uh, and they feel the same way? Hud, you and Theo, you just got together three minutes ago!”
“Yeah. I know. Like I said, it’s insane.”
My legs and feet were feeling cold, so I moved, heading to the pigs, and Burke was mulling over what I said while trying his best to help. “Hud, was it like…how you felt with Theo?”
“I don’t know. It came on maybe slower, like snuck up on us.”
“Could it just be that you and Theo, now hear me out, that your newly blossoming love was so big and new for the two of you that having them there, it…felt like it was for them?”
I got to the shelter and went inside, where the temperature was above freezing, and I heard the pigs, but they were relatively subdued. I walked the corridor in front of their pens to check on them visibly while answering, “Could be, I guess, but I don’t think so. Last night, Burke, I let Ryan fuck me. Now, you knew me in the clubs, and I was with some big guys, never once let them fuck me. I wanted it with him. Like…I wanted him. It’s fucking crazy. They’ve been together for years; we’re just starting. What the fuck is this?”
“Man, love can hit in the strangest places, times, and with people, you’d never thought you would fall for. Damon and me, man, we were both strict Doms and swore we wouldn’t work. Now, we’re years strong and stronger with Joel beside us. Hear that? Joel just made something that was already great and even better. Maybe…this was all meant to be.”
I’d never thought that. I thought it was rough enough falling for one man. “Theo, he needs me, Burke.”
“Maybe he needs all of you. Do you all do different things for him? Do you all represent different things for him?”
“Brett’s a friend, but not like he’s friends with Eli and Joel. I can’t explain it, but they’re close, but I’d have bet Joel was his best friend now if they could call one another that.”
“Joel adores him. Theo’s opened up to him, and he’s offered to help him with his speech, which I thought Joel would be embarrassed over, but from Theo, he cried, Man. Joel, he thought that was the sweetest thing. That Theo, who didn’t want to help anyone, wants to do that for him. Once winter isn’t so rough, they’re gonna get together once a week at least, have a day to themselves, speech therapy and submissive therapy, Joel called it. He’s so excited, and they’re inviting Eli along too. It’s become a community, Hud.”
I didn’t think any of it would last a week, and here it was, two months almost, and it wasn’t only home; it was family. “And Brett? Where would he fit?”
“I’m guessing right with them.”
Something else was bugging me, and I almost didn’t say it, but Burke was a friend and understood the lifestyle better than most. “Burke, have you ever…like maybe when you and Damon were together before Joel, had thoughts about being a…not all the time, sure, but sometimes playing the sub?”
