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I throw my head back and roar with laughter. “They wish they could stop me from brewing the good stuff, but they’d rather keep their head on their shoulders where it belongs.”
After the laughter dies, I notice that she’s leaning into me, our arms almost brushing, and I force myself back one step, then ten.
“I look forward to trying your tamales. I’ll try not to judge you too harshly.”
It literally hurts my chest to back away, especially when that dreamy look on her face promptly drops, turning pitiful, like a lost puppy that I ache to cuddle. My last statement made her smile, but I could see right through it. She didn’t want me to leave, but it was that or kiss her, and that just wasn’t gonna happen. So, I did the only other thing I could. I walked away as quickly as my feet could carry me.
Chapter Nine
? Caleb ?
“Good night, man!”
“G’night Caleb!”
“See you tomorrow.”
“Bright and early.” I smirk at Jaxon, my boss.
His green eyes narrowed “You sure you got clean up covered?”
I tip my hat. “Yessir. I could use a long ride. Wouldn’t mind seeing the sunset out on the prairie.”
He smirks, nodding. “It’s a nice evening for it.” He pats me on the back. “Don’t stay too late.”
I nod, and he moseys away leaving me alone with all my favorite horses.
I don’t rush, but I don’t take my time cleaning up before I ready my favorite girl, Shelby. She’s a gorgeous Appaloosa with a leopard-spotted coat of white and tan. Darker spots run up her sleek neck, her mane a stunning mix of gray and black. Her beauty lay in her interesting traits, sure, but mostly what made her my favorite was her quiet, if not grumpy, disposition.
I chuckle as I compare her to my best friend, Estrella, and more recently my… well, I suppose you’d call him my lover, to this cantankerous horse. It’s an odd thought considering how long I haven’t allowed myself to have one of those, a lover that is. Yet, even while I give in to his influence, I constantly remind myself of the last time I gave in not only to my baser urges, but those of my heart.
Protect it at all costs. I can’t survive another Henry. I just can’t.
So, while I might accept the physical pleasure he provides, I can keep my emotions separate. I have to.
Shelby nips at my hip as I walk around to place the saddle on her back. I click at her. “You cut that out, Shelby, or I might forget about the apples I stored in your saddle bag.”
One big baleful midnight eye glares at me, daring me to withhold her treat for allowing me to ride her.
“You know just as well as I do that you could use a good run. Some time to stretch your legs. Lord knows you barely let anyone else ride you.”
She throws her head back as if to deny my statement, making me chuckle.
Once she’s good and ready, I lead her out past the fence toward the open prairie that’s been calling my name for days. Only two things give me release from the shackles of everyday life. This right here, this quiet place with just me and my girl, and pain bringing me to the precipice of my limits right before I plunge into the abyss gaining my wings as I’m brought high by the greatest pleasure.
Ain’t nothing else like either instance, and I doubt I could ever give them up. The day I can’t will be the day my soul withers and dies.
I shake my head, exasperated by morose thoughts as I ease my body into the saddle. With a slight squeeze of my thighs and a click of my tongue, we start at a trot, warming us both up before I set us both free. In no time, Shelby’s had enough of this meandering and begins to canter. Before long, she’s galloping through the green fields littered with bluebells.
Holding the reins with one hand, I tear off my hat with the other to feel the wind blowing through my hair. It feels like heaven after a day of mucking stalls, clearing brush, and tagging calves.
Far too soon, we reach the fence marking the limits of Jaxon’s land, so I ease my girl toward a hill with the perfect view of the setting sun.
With one hand buried in her mane and the other holding my hat down to my chest so the wind doesn’t blow it away, I lift my face to the warmth and beauty of God’s creations. It’s a rainbow of colors from the green grass, the blue flowers, and the sky’s hazy hues of orange, yellow, and pink. It’s a wonder anyone could think God didn’t love his queers when he gave us rainbows every chance he got.
I smile big and bright until it hurts and keep going cause you know I like the pain. I bite my lip as I recall the other night when Beau literally brought me to my knees. No one has ever given me everything I needed, not when it came to pain. I had no idea I could gain my release from that alone until then.
This lifestyle is already an addiction, and he’s only made it doubly so. I never felt freer than when I screamed out that dreaded word most Dominants never want to hear. But I knew it pleased him as much as it pleased me.
