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DEREK
Isneak out of Eli’s room at four in the morning, showering and trying to get the scent and feeling of Kenna Lodge off my body. I’ve lost my goddamned mind.
I just acted. I didn’t think about what it would mean to kiss her, to make love to her....
And now I have to pay the price. She could sue me, for god’s sake, for sexual harassment. She could tell everyone that I’m a dirty old man who took advantage of her kind nature. My kids could lose someone they’ve gotten close to all over again, and for what? So I could get my rocks off? Jesus, Eli had almost caught us. How would I have explained that?
I blame the wine, even though I didn’t drink nearly enough of it for it to make my thoughts fuzzy, and I blame being celibate for the last three years.
I should have listened to Grayson and dated someone, or to Loxton and at least hooked up with someone. Then maybe I wouldn’t be in this predicament. I manage to finish my shower without thinking too much about Kenna, pushing the way she’d looked under me out of my mind, although it’s always there, pushing against my other thoughts.
She’d been so soft and sweet and...gorgeous.
I’m not even the kind of man to go after younger women. All of my girlfriends have been around my age and I always thought badly of those who chased women ten or twenty years younger than them.
I don’t know what is going on with me.
Am I having a mid-life crisis?
I dry off quickly, being as quiet as possible when I slip out into the hall after getting dressed. I’m going to work at an ungodly hour, but that’s because I can’t imagine what I’ll say to Kenna, not after what happened last night.
She’ll probably want to quit immediately and call me at work, but at least I can get a couple of hours in.
God, I really fucked all this up.
I sigh and leave a short note:Gone to work early. Be home by six.I sign my name and stick it on the refrigerator next to one of Maggie’s drawings of a unicorn and a princess.
The kids. That’s the worst part about all of this. They really care about Kenna. She’s really gotten through to them, even Maggie, and that means something.
I don’t know how I’m going to work in this state, but I have to try. God knows how long it’ll take to find more childcare after this.
If ever.
I’m surprised to see Grayson in the office already, frowning at his computer. We don’t even normally work in the same building, so I narrow my eyes at him.
“You in trouble with the missus or something?” I ask, and Grayson barks out a laugh.
“Not this time. My computer crapped out and I’m waiting for IT to fix it.”
“So, you decided to steal one of mine?”
I’m the head of marketing at Grayson’s father’s company, and I’ve since partnered with Grayson and own part stock, as well. I’m on the board of directors along with Grayson and his father, and we all work together well. It’s one of the reasons Grayson and I have stayed close friends, except for those five years when Lilian was away, while Logan...well, that’s a story for another time.
Loxton has even kept up his end of being CEO of his father’s textile company, and we’ve seen less and less of him with his new wife, Sadie. I’m happy for Grayson and Loxton, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes, I can’t help but feel a little resentful.
They both seem to have found love in unlikely places, but I haven’t had that pleasure.
Of course, I’m not looking for it. I haven’t looked for it since Suzanna, because the way that went I would never wish upon anyone. At least, unlike Grayson, I didn’t miss out on my kids’ lives, though. That’s something, at least.
“You seen the news yet? I know it was in the paper for the last couple of weeks at least, but since you haven’t mentioned yet…” Grayson asks, shrugging as he looks at me curiously, and I snort.
“Who reads the paper? What are you, sixty?”
“Okay, old man,” he shoots back. “I’m just trying to give you a heads-up.”
“What’s been in the paper?” I ask, and Grayson rubs the back of his neck. I stare at him. “Grayson, spit it out.”
He sighs and hands me a newspaper, one of the local Los Angeles times.
