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He’s quiet for a moment. “It’s normal to be territorial over something you might lose,” he argues.
I hitch in a breath. “You’re not losing me. You don’t want me,” I say, and he’s so quiet that I think he’s dropped off to sleep.
“I’ve never said I didn’t want you,” he murmurs against my skin. “That’s not the problem.”
“Then what is?” I ask, desperate. I want him to tell mewhywe can’t be together, why I can’t be part of this family.
“You’ll leave me,” he insists. “You’ll meet someone else and you’ll go and I won’t be able to handle it.”
“You don’t trust me,” I say flatly, turning to face him, and he bites his lip, his green eyes dark with some emotion I can’t name.
“I don’t trust anybody. I can’t afford to,” he says softly, and I want to kiss him, want to tell him that he can trustme,that it’ll all be okay, that I’ll never leave him, but I can see he’s made his decision.
“Then I have to go,” I say shakily. Derek slumps, his face falling.
“When?”
“Two weeks,” I say. The semester will be starting in three weeks and I’ll take a week to get settled back in on campus.
“Two weeks,” he parrots back in a hollow voice. “When will you tell the kids?”
“End of the week,” I say softly. “I’ll talk to them myself.”
Derek’s arms loosen around me and I wiggle out of them, standing up and finding my shorts, tugging them back on over my bikini bottoms.
“I’m going to take a shower and go to bed,” I say, and Derek doesn’t answer. When I turn back he has his forearm thrown over his eyes, breathing hard.
I swallow hard and head back to my room, undressing and getting into the shower before I burst into tears.
When I finish crying and washing myself, I call my best friend, Cherie. She’s the only one who knows the truth about my pregnancy, and I need someone to talk to.
“What’s wrong?” she answers, and I realize it’s almost midnight.
“Sorry to call so late,” I say in a husky voice.
“You’ve been crying. Kenna, what is it?” she asks with concern in her voice. “Do you need me to come get you?”
“No,” I assure her. “I’m watching the kids. Derek got drunk tonight and I had to put him to bed.”
Cherie scoffs. “I guess he’s not taking you going back to college very well.”
“Hardly,” I admit. “I didn’t think that he was going to take it this hard. I think he just doesn’t want to be alone again with the kids.”
Cherie pauses. “Do you really think that’s it, Kenna?”
I sigh. “I don’t know. What am I supposed to think?”
“That he’s in love with you. That he’s just got too much damage to admit it.”
“Do you think so?” I ask hesitantly, and Cherie scoffs.
“Yeah, I think so. You’ve always wanted a family, right? Now you’re part of one, and you’re even having his baby. Don’t you think that would change things?”
“I don’t want it to change things,” I say stubbornly. “I want him to want me because he loves me, not because I’m pregnant.”
“You don’t think he loves you? After all this time?”
“I don’t know,” I say hoarsely. “I wish I did.”
