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Dusty, wearing hospital scrubs, moved quicker than a snake. He punched her. Pain exploded as her body tumbled into the wall next to the sink. She fell to the ground. Stars floated past her vision. Before she could blink them away, Dusty was on top of her. One meaty hand clamped over her mouth and then something jabbed her neck.
Her vision blurred. Hannah struggled, but her movements became weaker and weaker until her mind couldn’t connect to her limbs. He’d drugged her. The thought floated somewhere in the back of her brain, cutting through the panic, and then she was on a cloud. Drifting. Drifting.
No. Dusty was carrying her. He set her down on a mattress. A mask covered the lower half of his face. Then she was moving again. Being wheeled someplace. Past the nurses’ station. Hannah desperately tried to cry out, but she couldn’t get her voice to work. This couldn’t be happening. Blackness crowded the edges of her vision.
Hannah fought it. She needed to stay awake. Needed to fight.
Another voice. Familiar, but she couldn’t place it. Once again, Dusty’s face hovered above hers. His dark eyes were triumphant. He was going to kill her. Once again, she tried to cry out. Willed her tongue to move, but it refused.
Then everything went dark.
TWENTY-FIVE
Ryker paced the length of the waiting room, rocking Charlotte back to sleep. She’d woken and had a bottle, but then couldn’t settle. He sympathized. His nerves were also frayed, and the minutes ticked by slowly. Still no word from the doctors about Eli. Gavin, Claire, and Hannah hadn’t come back yet either. Ryker was tempted to march himself into the emergency room and demanded an update. Sheer willpower held him back.
Charlotte whimpered. Ryker sensed she was powering up for a big cry, so he changed tactics and began swaying back and forth like a swing. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Your aunt will be back soon.”
She blinked giant blue eyes at him. Their color was the same shade as Hannah’s. Charlotte wasn’t her daughter, but for a moment, Ryker wondered what it would be like to have children with her. The thought sent a mixture of hope and terror running through him in equal measure.
“You’re good with her.” Zoe smiled softly from a nearby chair. She was nursing a cup of coffee.
His dad was dozing a short distance away. Several members of Company A were scattered about. Some were talking in low tones. Others were simply sitting in front of the television. All of them were anxiously awaiting news about Eli.
Ryker kept swaying. Charlotte’s eyes drifted shut. He ran a hand over a wayward curl, smoothing it down. “She’s a calm baby. Not like Travis.” His youngest cousin had stayed with them shortly after having her own child. “That kid screamed for four months straight.”
Zoe chuckled. “He had colic.” The smile on her face faded as she studied him. “You’re falling in love with Hannah, aren’t you?”
The question caught him off guard, but Ryker shouldn’t have been surprised. His mother could read him like a book and often knew his feelings better than he did. Zoe rarely interfered in his love life though. Of course, Hannah had been living with them for the last several days. She and his mom had bonded.
“Yes. I’m falling in love with her.” It was a relief to say the words out loud, and suddenly, Ryker wanted to spill every tangled thought running through his mind. “And I don’t know what to do about it. The thought of losing her is terrifying me. After what happened to Alison… it’s too much, Mom. I can’t take it.”
“Because you still blame yourself for what happened to Alison?”
“In part.” He struggled to sort through his emotions. “But I don’t think that’s all of it. It’s the lack of control. The pain that comes when you lose someone you care about.”
He glanced down at Charlotte. Long lashes rested on plump cheeks and her breathing was deep and steady.
Ryker stopped swaying and took a seat next to his mom. “Eli is one of the best lawmen I know. He does everything by the book, follows every rule. And still he got shot.” Hot tears pricked his eyes as the memory of finding his childhood friend lying on the ground bleeding out flashed in his mind. Ryker battled them back. “Going through what I am right now, with Eli in surgery, is too hard. And he’s just my friend. He’s not my wife or the mother of my children. I can’t see myself doing it, Mom.”
She was quiet for a long moment. Then she sighed. “You were young when your father passed away, so you don’t remember how he and I were as a couple. We were passionately in love. Cal swept me off my feet with his charming smile and kind heart. When he died…” She inhaled sharply and let it out slowly. “I fell apart completely. Couldn’t get out of bed for weeks. I thought that part of my life was over for good. And it was. Until I met Jack.”
Her gaze drifted to her husband. “I was terrified to fall in love with him, Ryker. Terrified. But then I realized something very important.” She turned back to face him. “My life was greater with Cal in it. No matter how painful it was to lose him, if I’d closed myself off to his love, that would have been the genuine tragedy.”
Her words rang with wisdom. Would it have been better if Hannah had never come into his life? Ryker couldn’t imagine it. He didn’t want to. She’d entered his world and opened his eyes to the kind of love he hadn’t known was possible.
“I know losing Alison affected you deeply,” Zoe continued. “Childhood traumas have a way of sinking their claws into us in a powerful way.” She laid a hand on his arm. “But you were never to blame for her death. Punishing yourself by rejecting Hannah doesn’t do anyone any good.”
Is that what he was doing? Punishing himself?
The truth hit him like a smack in the face. That’s exactly what he was doing. Yes, there was an aspect of self-protection, but it’d gotten muddled with the true source of his problem. Surrender. Accepting that, ultimately, God was in control.
Ryker didn’t want to acknowledge that he’d done his best and Alison died anyway. It made him feel weak. Out of control. So he’d punished himself for something that was never his fault. Hannah had recognized it, tried to explain the fallacy of his thoughts, but he hadn’t truly listened to her. He hadn’t been ready.
Now he was. Ryker wanted to rid himself of the burden he’d been carrying around since Alison died.
God, I turn to you with an open heart and new understanding. All this time, I’ve been asking for repentance, but there was never anything to forgive. You’ve been trying to tell me that for years, but especially so in the last week. First the conversation with Eli, then with Hannah, and now with my mom. I’ve been stubbornly ignoring You. Not anymore.
Thank You for sending Hannah into my life. I will love her with my whole heart. Any fears I have, I will give them to You. Starting now. Watch over Eli. Guide the doctors to make the right decisions. His life is in Your hands.
