AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I—I’m sorry…I just…you said you were close to orgasm, and you were going to explode, and my hand was right there. And I’m just still not sure…I’m sorry,” I finish off, shaking my head again.
Deacon sighs. “Tanner, I’ve told you a million times you don’t have to be sorry for not wanting to do something. And I already knew you’re not comfortable getting cum on you, so that one’s my fault.” He let’s out a heavy breath, a frown marring his features. “I like to think I could have pulled out of your grip in time, but honestly I’m not sure, so I’m really sorry about that.”
“I wish you weren’t constantly making compromises for me,” I say with a frown. What I really mean isI wish I could be as perfect for you as you are for me.
“Tanner, that’s what people do in re—I mean…un…when you’re with someone you…want to keep being with,” he says, blushing adorably at the near fumble.
I can’t help letting out a soft breath of amusement at his stumbling attempt to play down what I’ve come to accept is indeed a relationship. I’m not ready to admit to it out loud yet, however, despite my realization earlier tonight. I’m just not ready. Another thing I’m holding back from Deacon.
“You’ve made plenty of compromises too,” he says gently, reaching out to brush a lock of wet hair from my forehead. “Do you even realize how much of yourself you’ve given to me? And how much I value it? Your trust, your honesty, your time. I know you don’t let a whole lot of people into your life, but you’ve let me in and I’m so grateful for that. And if you think a little bit of cum is more important to me than all that, you obviously haven’t been paying attention.”
I shake my head, offering a soft smile. “I know it’s not. I just…I wish I could give you everything you want. You deserve to have everything you want.”
He leans in to brush a kiss to my forehead before drawing back and gazing at me with eyes full of tender affection. “You’re everything I want,” he murmurs. “So as long as I have you, I’m golden.”
Jesus Christ, I think we need to end this conversation before my heart actually explodes. “You’re kind of a romantic, aren’t you?” I say wryly, attempting to lower the intensity he’s just amped up.
He grins. “Yep. And, sorry babe, but that’s something I’m not going to compromise on.”
I nod and lean forward to brush my lips to his. “I think I can work with that.”
“Fuck, it’s getting late,” he says, his mouth stretching into a wide yawn. “I should take off.”
As always, I really don’t want him to leave. This time, however, I actually decide to do something about it. “Stay.”
Deacon’s brows shoot up. “Huh?”
“Stay the night with me. Or, what’s left of it, at least. I need to be heading home by around five, but…just stay,” I trail off with a shrug.
He grins. “Alright then. But no more sex. You need sleep.”
I let out a reluctant sigh. I’m disappointed, obviously, but I didn’t ask him to stay over just so we could have sex again, and he’s right—I really do need sleep. It feels like this day’s lasted about a year.
I turn off the shower and we towel ourselves down before returning to the bedroom. I dig out a pair of pajama pants for Deacon, because there’s no way I’ll actually be able to sleep if he’s lying there next to me all naked, and then I slip into some fresh ones myself.
Once we’re under the covers, I switch off the light using the remote I keep on my nightstand, and then just lie there awkwardly for a moment. “What happens now?” I ask.
He lets out a soft laugh that rumbles through the darkness. “There’s this thing called cuddling. I think you’ll enjoy it.”
And then I feel his body shift up beside me and his arms curling around me. He pulls me against his chest and I immediately sink into his hold. The physical embodiment of the waves of comfort I always feel radiating off Deacon when I’m in his presence.
No nighttime sleep ritual needed tonight; just Deacon’s arms around me and his warm breath on my neck.
CHAPTER23
DEACON
Ifeel like I’ve been living on a cloud for days. Something changed that night Tanner asked me to stay over; between the kissing, and the cuddling, and the way he didn’t even balk when I slipped and almost called what we share a “relationship”—because, let’s face it, it is, even if he can’t admit it yet—everything has just started to feel so much more real. And tangible.
I’ve slept over most nights since then, and even though he’s usually gone before I wake up in the morning, it’s still been amazing to be able to fall asleep at night with him in my arms.
I’m not letting myself get too far ahead of things by assuming this means he wants to actually date, or even that he’s willing to tell people about us; as far as I know, Skyler and Jackson are the only ones who are aware of the current situation, and while Tanner seems fine with them knowing, I think it might be a different matter if they weren’t total strangers who have nothing to do with the rest of his life.
We haven’t actually spoken about his sexual identity, which we should probably do at some stage considering he was supposed to be figuring that out. But at this point I don’t feel like it’s a huge deal; it’s up to Tanner how he wants to identify, of course, but if he wants to be with me regardless of whether he’s worked out where he fits in the rainbow alphabet then I’m more than happy to accept that. I never needed a label, just a guy who could understand his own feelings. And I’m pretty sure that’s what I have now.
When I wake on Tuesday morning my phone screen reads six forty-five am, so I’m a bit surprised to hear someone moving around in the apartment. For a moment of sheer panic, I worry one of Tanner’s kids might have stopped by the penthouse to grab something, or maybe hang out for some reason.
What the hell am I supposed to do in that case? Hide? Where?
