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She lets out a huff of laughter, grinning broadly. “Well, he is that. But I can tell by the way you look at him. I haven’t seen that look on your face in a very long time, Tanner. Almost ten years…” She glances away, swallowing hard.
I just stare at her, the dishes forgotten for a moment as her words stun me. “You don’t…”
Beth offers a sad smile. “No one will ever replace my daughter, Tanner. In my eyes or yours. But you can move on. You can fall in love. You can be happy.”
“You make it sound like Deacon’s the first relationship I’ve had since Leah died.”
Beth purses her lips. She was never rude or unwelcoming to Natalia, but she never warmed to her either. At the time I put it down to it being difficult for Beth to see me with someone new, but now I know she’s just a way better judge of character than I am. “That was never…real.”
I arch my brows and return to scrubbing the pan I have soaking in the sink. “Seemed pretty real. I have the marriage certificate to prove it,” I grumble.
“I meant…it never seemedsincere,”she clarifies. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I always got the impression that you felt as though you just needed someone—anyone—because being with someone would make everything better. And then later, when everything went balls up, it was the complete opposite—you wouldn’t let anyone near you.”
I set the pan in the drying rack and grab another pot from the pile of dishes. “You might have a point,” I mumble. I don’t think anyone could have predicted the way things would turn out with Natalia, but I know there’s a lot of truth to Beth’s words: I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be jumping into a relationship back then. And I certainly wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be getting married. How much pain could I have prevented if I’d just taken time to think things through the way I usually do?
But then I wouldn’t have Izzy, and there’s no alternate reality in which that outcome is better.
“That wasn’t meant as a criticism,” she says gently. “I was just clarifying why I think Deacon’s so different.”
“He is different,” I agree, unable to keep a soft smile from forming on my lips.
“And I’m glad. But that’s not really why I came in here.”
I arch a brow at her. “It’s not?”
She fixes me with a level look. “I’ve been talking to Jazz. And RJ.”
I groan. “I didn’t mean to give Jazz so many specifics. I told him I was asking for a friend.”
She blinks at me. “I literally have no idea what you’re talking about. He just mentioned that you’re still struggling with your anxiety.”
I sigh. “It’s not really something that goes away. But I manage it. I wouldn’t say I struggle.”
“And RJ told me about the offer for MesiTec,” she continues, as though I haven’t interrupted.
“Don’t worry, I’m not selling,” I assure her.
“I think you should.”
My head snaps up and I gape at her. “What?”
She shrugs. “He said it could save Grimco Media from bankruptcy. Sounds like a no-brainer to me.”
“He’s being dramatic. We’re not that far in the red.”
“But thereareissues?” she presses.
“It’s nothing we haven’t got through before. I’m not selling Leah’s company,” I say firmly.
“It’s not Leah’s company anymore, Tanner. It hasn’t ben for nearly a decade.” I flinch from the sting of her words and she reaches out to place a gentle hand on my arm. “I know you want to hold onto every piece of her that you can, and trust me, I understand it. But you know as well as I do, she’d kick your ass for dragging your feet on this. If this MesiTec deal can save Grimco, and give you fifty fewer things to stress about, Leah would do it in a heartbeat.”
I finally pull my hands from the water and tear off the rubber gloves I was wearing. Spinning around, I lean back against the sink, letting out a heavy sigh as I rub a hand over my forehead. “They’re going to tear it apart,” I murmur. “Nothing of Leah’s vision will be left.”
“There’s that risk,” Beth agrees. “But is clinging onto it going to help? Do you have the resources to turn it into the company she dreamed about?”
No one’s ever put it to me like that; not even RJ in some of his more passionate spiels. I consider the question for a long moment, but finally I have to admit the truth. “No, we don’t. Not unless we can fill our coffers some other way.”
“Is that likely?”
