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He cursed, low and vicious, his fingers white-knuckled on the steering wheel. “And you listened to her?”
Setting the insulated bag on the floor, I toed off my sneakers and hugged my knees into my chest.
After leaving Black Oak, I’d driven to the park adjoining the Krals’ land and walked for hours. My heart felt like it had developed cracks. They fractured and spread outward until I thought I’d break apart.
Knowing that if I stayed with Gabriel, I would be a liability. That other vampires would sneer at me and our kids.
And that I’d always be on edge, wondering if this was the night I’d lose him to a challenge.
“The next night,” I said, low-voiced, “you asked me to accept the blood bond.”
A hard glare. “When—if—you said yes, I was going to ask you to mate with me. A human marriage ceremony, too, because I knew that would make you happy. I even bought the fucking diamond ring.”
A crater-sized lump filled my throat. “I…I didn’t know. I hoped, but…”
“Damn it,” he exploded. “Why didn’t you just tell me? Why run? YouknewI wouldn’t have forced you to accept. Hell, I even told you to take some time to think it over. Instead you left everything behind, even your family. What the fuck was that about?”
The hurt in his voice made me hug my knees harder.
“I did know,” I said lowly. “I didn’t run because I was afraid of you, or what you would do. I want you to know that.”
“What else was I supposed to think? One text ending it, and then you disappear. Your own parents didn’t even know where you were.”
I opened my mouth to say I was sorry, and then shut it. Some things, you couldn’t make right with an apology.
“Mraz said that you wouldn’t let me go. That it was best just to make a clean break.”
“And you believed him over me? I promised the decision was yours. You could’ve trusted me that much at least.”
I took a deep, pained breath. He was right, and I was wrong. But damn, it was hard to hear how much I’d hurt him.
“I fucked up,” I admitted. “But I did it for you—and for our kids.”
“The hell you did.” His look was alive with fury. “I never said anything about kids. I wantedyou, Mila. Yeah, I want kids someday, but I have two brothers. When—if—I take over as Primus, I’d be happy to name them or their children my heirs. Fuck, my father’s probably going to live another five centuries or so anyway.”
“Well, maybeIwant kids,” I shot back.
“Then we’d have them,” he growled back. “And I’d protect them with every resource at my disposal. Which by the way, is a hell of a lot.”
For a second, we glowered at each other. Then I sighed. “There’s more.”
“Go on.”
“That last night, after I left you, Lieutenant Mraz was waiting. He told me that if I didn’t leave, you’d never be Primus. That as a dhampir, it was going to be hard enough for you to fight off challenges once your father died. A vampire mate could protect herself, but me, I’d be a weakness. Something they could use to get to you.”
It had been too much, coming after my talk with Rosemarie Kral.
I’d caved.
Shame tightened my stomach. “I couldn’t do that to you, Gabriel.” I was speaking to my knees. I made myself turn my head, look at him. “The Syndicate is your life. I know how hard you’ve worked to make your father proud, to earn the right to be the next Primus. A human mate will just bring you down.”
His curse was low and vicious. “The hell with the Syndicate. You think I didn’t consider that before I asked you to accept my oath? You’re mine, Mila. I’d burn the whole damn Syndicate to ashes before I’d let them hurt you. And if I can’t fight off a challenge, then I don’t deserve to be Primus.”
“Don’t you see?” I cried. “Lieutenant Mraz was right. Iama weakness. It happened just like he said—Andre Redbone used me and my brother to get to you. Maybe you’re right about kids; we could’ve figured that out. But Mraz said a challenge is to the death. How many could you fight until you lost?” My voice broke. “You almost died tonight, Gabriel. Because of me.”
“It’smy rightto protect you,” he snarled. “Do you think I want to live if it means I can’t have you?”
“Do you think I could live knowing I was responsible for your death?” I growled back.
