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As we lay there silent, Decker stroking long paths up and down my spine, I felt him go still as my fingers danced over rough and scarred skin. I lifted my head from his shoulder to catch his eye, and he let out a soft breath as my gaze turned down to his skin. The tattoo was so well done that I hadn’t caught the old wound on my first study of it. But following the path my fingers made, I could make out the jagged lines and puckered skin that was far larger than I would think for a gunshot. Maybe shrapnel?
Looking back into his eyes I could see he was waiting for the inevitable question. I didn’t want to pry, but damn I was curious. Seeing the dread he couldn’t hide at the very idea of me questioning the scar, however, I couldn’t do it. Instead I remembered something from before the crash and stopped my fingertip tour of his body to tuck my hand under my chin and smile at him.
“I have a question.” I commented as casually as possible.
“What was that word that Jack yelled before,” I paused, feeling my heart thump painfully at the memory of watching the SUV in front of us explode. “I mean,” I continued, not wanting to finish the other thought. “You responded pretty quickly, but it wasn’t English.”
He looked down at me, eyebrows furrowing together before he shook his head, dropped it back to the pillow and laughed. A full, deep, belly laugh that had my head bouncing on his chest.
“What?” I asked, trying to be irritated at his laughter but finding myself grinning. Damn his laugh was beautiful and contagious.
“Ask me about my scar without asking me about my scar, huh?” He asked through his slowly dying laughter.
“Oh,” I said, feeling my face heat. I didn’t even know I could blush before meeting this man. “I didn’t know the two were related.”
“Yeah, Lake, I figured. That’s what made it absolutely hilarious.” He shook his head again and pulled me close to his side again before returning to the soothing path up and down my spine.
A silence fell over the darkened room again, and I thought that would be the end of it as I turned my head back to the side, curling up against him. After about a minute, he inhaled fully causing my head to rise with it and then held for far too long before slowly letting it out.
“He said ‘Nasiriyah’,” he started before letting out another ragged breath as if to start over. “Kasey knew he was only getting short words through the interference, so he gave us the one word he knew we’d interpret as the ambush it was.”
I could sense his discomfort in talking about this particular subject and gave a small shrug as if I wasn’t dying to hear every detail. “Pretty quick on the draw. Glad he got through.”
Decker laughed again, and again my head went bouncing along with his chest. I made to scoot away from him, but his hand snaked around the back of my head and held me in place. “I appreciate you trying to let the subject drop, but you’re about as subtle as a neon sign, Lake.” Then I was laughing too, knowing that my subtlety was not my best skill set for sure. It was easier to be loud and demanding than to manipulate the conversations around me.
“I can’t talk details about what happened, but I can… give you the basics.” He stopped again and I could hear his pulse accelerate as he put himself back there. “Nasiriyah is a town southeast of Baghdad. We weren’t even supposed to be there, which is the most fucked up part. The road damages all over that area had us on a long route to where we actually needed to be.”
“Classified?” I asked, sneaking a peek up at him before pressing my lips lazily on his pec.
“You’re quick, Harrington.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Anyway, we were passing through Nasiriyah when we were ambushed.” Again, I made to pull away, this time to study his expression since his tone was so flat as he delivered the story. And again, his hand firmly held me in place. He was avoiding eye contact to get through this. I could give him that. I relaxed against him again, clinging just a little tighter to his naked body.
“Roadside IED had Remington and me trapped, two of my men in front dead, and the rest of my team caught in the middle trying to get to us.” His body seemed to shudder as the memories took over, and my hand slid back over his chest and rested over the scar. No movement, just my warm reassurance that he was still here in the present. I knew how it felt to get lost in the past. “Uh,” Decker cleared his throat and continued. “Big piece of shrapnel went through my shoulder, pinning me to the seat and I couldn’t move. Remy was still conscious, but I couldn’t reach him.” He tried to breathe deep again, but I heard the wetness of that breath and knew this was much harder than he wanted to let on. “Anyway, we traded gunfire with some insurgents, Remy and I were both shot, but he didn’t make it.”
His hand came up to rest over mine, splayed across his scar. “Medical discharge and I came home to heal up.”
“Thank you for telling me,” I whispered, unsure of how to steer the evening back from this sad topic.
“You’re the first person I’ve told,” he dropped casually, and my entire body stiffened. This time he let me sit up, and though there were no visible tears in his eyes, they were red rimmed and shining.
“Are you serious?” I didn’t even bother trying to keep the shock from my voice. But Decker wasn’t paying attention to my question, his eyes were trained on my breasts, completely exposed as I sat to face him. I reached out and tucked a finger under his chin, lifting it so his eyes could meet mine. “Are you serious?” I asked again.
“Uh, yeah.” He answered blinking to clear his lust hazed mind. “I mean besides the debrief, anyone else I’d talk to about it is in this building and we just don’t talk about it.”
“But you didn’t talk to anyone about it after it happened?”
“Like who?” He was looking at me like I was crazy now.
“A professional?”
“Ah,” he said, finally catching on before shaking his head.
“Man, I lost my mom in a way less traumatic way, and I’ve been seeing therapists since I was thirteen.” I was trying to play it off as a joke, but I knew I’d failed miserably when he sat up as well, pulling me onto his lap.
“I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose a parent who loves you. But I think you had every right to your grief, Lake.” He kissed the tip of my nose in the sweetest peck and I bit my lip before I could “aw” at him. Damn this man for being so amazing at everything, including gentle comfort.
“So your parents are still around?” I asked, wanting to shift the subject away from me and my mommy issues. Instantly his face hardened and he had to work to ease each of his features back to calm.Fuck, which landmine did I hit this time?I inwardly cringed at my horrible wording even if it had been in my own mind.
“Hey, you wanna hear the Iraq story again?” He asked, tickling my sides and causing me to squirm in his lap.
