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“Why don’t I prepare you a bath? I’ll have Mary make you something to eat.”
“I’m ok.” I whisper.
“You aren’t, and it’s normal. I would be surprised if you were.”
His voice is gentle. He stands and holds out his hand for me to take which I do. He leads me to the bathroom. I watch as he prepares a bath. The scent of lavender takes over the bathroom. The lights are dimmed. He takes a few candles and lights them. It’s unexpected. I never pegged Viktor to be the romantic type. This day has been so fucked up. He helps me out of his shirt and panties. He walks me over to the tub and I get in. I’m thinking he is going to join me but he doesn’t. Before I say anything, he speaks.
“I am going to call Mary. Relax.” He leaves the bathroom and suddenly I am cold and feel alone.
I can’t erase the images of bullets flying or glass shattering. I grew up in the projects making bullets a normal thing to hear. But it is different when you are the one being shot at. I swear it felt like a bullet was going to hit me. I have never been so scared in my life. I don’t know if being with Viktor is any safer than leaving. I don’t want to leave but feel like I shouldn’t stay. From the moment I met Viktor it’s been one thing after another. I pull my knees to my chest, trying to fight the chilling in my bones. I close my eyes looking for a way out of this. I am falling for someone who might be the end of me.
?
“Just try eating a few more bites.”
“I can’t take another bite.” I push the tray with grilled cheese away from me. I suspect Mary made it because it’s my favorite.
“Drink some water.” He hands me the glass. I take it and drain it. A sudden panic comes over me.
“Viktor, my dad.” I stand from his bed. I need to call Dad and make sure he is safe. Before I make it to the door, he grabs my arms.
“Let me go. I have to call him.” I try to free myself. But his grip tightens.
“Your father is fine.”
“How do you know?”
“I had one of my men check in on him.”
“I need to hear his voice and make sure for myself.” I scream.
“Calm down.” He whispers.
“Don’t tell me to calm down. I almost died today. I need to hear his voice.” I try to stomp on his foot but he sees it coming. “Let go of me.” I scream.
“I have your phone. You need to calm down before you call him.” The words make sense but my brain isn’t registering. “Ava, you are safe. He is safe. You have my word.”
I stop struggling. After a minute or so he releases his tight hold and walks me back to bed. He walks to the dresser where my phone is sitting. How did I miss it? He hands me the phone. I call Dad and find instant relief when I hear his voice. He spends five minutes telling me of all the bills that he hasn’t been able to pay and how horrible his boss is. I am not sure if he is trying to make me feel guilty or just sharing. But right now I don’t care. Viktor walks over to me with a fresh glass of water and two white pills. I take them without question. I find myself centered knowing my dad is safe and I am with Viktor.
“I’ll let you get some rest, Dad. I’ll come by and give you money.” Viktor’s face wrinkles in anger. “I love you too. Good night.” I end the call.
“Did he ask you for money?”
“No. He was sharing that he is behind on some bills.”
“He is a grown man. He doesn’t need you bailing him out.”
“He is my dad. Family is everything. I’m sure you get that.” I get out of bed. Viktor’s demeanor has changed to the controlling man. I can’t deal with this version of him right now.
“Where are you going?”
“Bed. I am tired.” I say as I reach the door. I think he is going to stop me but he doesn’t.
“Get me if you need anything.”
I can’t deny my disappointment. I was hoping he would demand I stay. Keep me near. This is so confusing. He is so confusing. I need Viktor more than I should. But I see when he looks at me he doesn’t feel the same. Makes sense considering this isn’t real for him. What we have will come to an end. I need to start preparing myself for that reality. Viktor and I are temporary.
In my bedroom, I am filled with dread. I wish there was someone who I could call who will understand how I feel. But I have no friends. Even if I had I am not sure I could tell them I was almost killed because of who my fake fiancé is. The price of this façade is high. I mean life and death high. My eyelids begin to feel heavy and my body feels like a rock. I lay in bed replaying the afternoon. I still hear the bullets flying. I can’t stay here. I need to leave the first chance I get.
