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Her hand covered mine. Those brown eyes fierce and determined. “You’re not that person. No matter what those articles say. It’s not you. We tell her the truth. She loves you now and she’ll love you more when she knows what you’ve done for her. The sacrifices you’ve made so that she could be beautiful, happy, and free from the darkness that tried to suffocate you. Fuck them. Every single one of them and if Sol is in that number then fuck him too.”
“I don’t have the right to be angry with him and neither do you. I kept things from him. Who I was…”
“Didn’t he do the same thing?”
“Not intentionally. He never hid the person he was. It didn’t come up and when it did, he didn’t care if I knew. I was the one who chose not to dig deeper to find out who he was. He never hid from me.”
“But you respected him enough to get to know the man he is, not the one the world said he was. You didn’t read about him online. Didn’t go digging through the sea of rumors searching for his deepest darkest secrets.”
“But you did.”
“You’re damn right I did. I’m your best friend. Nah, fuck that. We’re sisters, Cadee. You and I are family so yeah, I did a deep dive because it’s my job to protect you even when you think you have it all figured out.”
I stiffened in my seat. “I never said I had it all figured out.”
She smiled softly, squeezing my hand. “No, you didn’t but you chose to bypass all that and just live in the moment. I get it, it’s been so long since you trusted yourself enough to let someone in. You deserve to be happy. How many times have I told you that?”
“A lot.”
“Because I mean it. I want you to be happy and I always will. But I also want you and Gracie to be safe and protected. If that’s not him then that doesn’t mean it will never happen. It will, one day.”
Jaasir lived in the world I’d escaped from. He now knew all my secrets or at least the rumors attached to me. He wouldn’t find the truth reading those articles or watching the interviews done about me. They told their version of the stories.
The truth was hidden between the lies but no one ever wanted the truth because it would ruin more lives than just mine. Their reputations and images were at stake and those million dollar budgets their labels handed over with a smile and pat on the back would be blown out the water, no longer in existence.
No, no one wanted the truth. The truth was destructive and painful.
“What if it never does because my one chance was with him and now that’s ruined?”
“It was never going to be him, Cadee. He’s everything you’ve been hiding from for the past five years. It was never going to be him.”
“I know.” It was the only response I could offer because she was right and that crushed me a little more each time I remembered why he and I were temporary.
After my talk with Val, I got myself together and spent the rest of the morning and afternoon with Gracie. We painted, played with dolls. I read her books before nap time and by two she was down which gave me at least an hour to myself before my bundle of joy was bouncing off the walls with untamed energy.
I needed time to think. To mourn something I should have never pretended was mine. So while Val was tucked in her room, binge watching her favorite reality show, I stepped out back and settled on the steps of the weathered porch which faced the small open space that I’d turned into a play area for Gracie and a garden for both of us.
I grabbed my plastic bin of tools and trekked out into the yard, prepared to get my hands dirty for a little while. Gardening always settled my spirit. It reminded me of my mother and gave me a sense of peace that she was still with me. Even if only just the memory of her.
The first few minutes I spent pulling weeds from around the tomatoes and I lost track of time cleaning up the small area around the rest of the vegetables Gracie and I had planted last spring. So much that when his voice sounded from the porch I startled and fell back on my ass from the kneeling position I was in.
Sighing I lifted to stand, brushing my gloved hands over my thighs before I fidgeted under his weighty stare and tugged them off, gripping the thick fabric in my palms.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“I can’t be here?” He looked exhausted, angry but still tempting with his obscenely handsome face and allure that made my heart race and then stumble.
“You can. I just didn’t expect to see you today.”
Or ever.
“We need to talk.”
My eyes moved past him to the back of the house. He noticed and allowed his hands to sink into the pocket of the nylon shorts he wore.
“Val let me in. Said Gracie was down for a nap and that you were out here.”
“Oh…”
