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“They laughed at me. Most didn’t believe what I was saying and those that did said I should have known better. That’s how business in the industry works. Not one of them cared enough to help. Who the hell was I? Honor Monroe. A wannabe singer/songwriter with no contract, no career, no voice.”
He swallowed thickly. Eyes on me searching for what he wanted to ask next but didn’t know how so I did it for him.
“So how did I end up with Gold and Staxx from Paper Chasers?”
He nodded tightly.
“Truthfully I don’t know. Maybe they made the decision to drug me or maybe Dresden told them to teach me a lesson. It’s what I always felt. He was arrogant and didn’t like to be made a fool of. I spent the evening telling anyone who would listen what a snake he was. All I know is I woke up the next morning and something wasn’t right. I was at my apartment in my bed and didn’t remember how I got there. I freaked out. When I called him asking questions, he brushed me off and said I drank too much and he took me home. I couldn’t remember anything at first but then there were small flashes of that night. They didn’t come until a few days later.”
“And you reported what happened to the police?”
“No, to the label but no one cared. Paper Chasers were big names, protected. I was a nobody. Someone who didn’t matter. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant.”
I lowered my eyes to my hands. “I called Val and told her I was coming home. She flew to New York helped me pack a few things and I went home. Left everything connected to my life as Honor Monroe there. I didn’t want any of it. Didn’t care, I just left.”
“It said you disappeared.”
“Because I did. I came home.”
“And he didn’t come looking for you?”
“He didn’t know how to find me. He never knew where I was from. I never told him because I was a kid back then and scared that he would try to do the right thing and seek permission from my legal guardian. At the time it was Del but I didn’t want anyone telling me no. All he knew was that my mother had died and I was alone.”
“Which he used to his advantage. He didn’t fucking care that you were a kid.”
“I put myself in that position.”
“Fuck that. He knew better. He was wrong.”
“I…”
“No, I meant what I said. Fuck anything else. Do you know how many others have the exact same story to tell? That’s how shit works in that world…”
“Yourworld,” I said quickly.
His eyes were dark and angry. “I’m not like them. I exist in that world but I don’t move like they move. I would never and what happened that night should have never happened.”
“But it did and now it’s out there again. I got away from it but it feels like I’m right back there again…”
“Because of me.”
“This has nothing to do with you.”
“Yeah it does, Cadence. Had I minded my business, left you and Gracie alone, none of this would be out there again. That’s on me.”
“You didn’t force me to spend time with you. But now you understand why it wasn’t a good idea. Why I didn’t care about Sol, only Jaasir. I knew that life, that world, and only wanted you. But there’s no separation. That’s who you are. I took a risk and failed.”
“We can figure it out.”
“No,wecan’t.Ihave to figure it out but that means this isn’t happening.”
He was angry. What I was communicating was finally settling in. I was ending things. Which was comical because nothing had truly started with us.
We agreed to have a little fun but things had gone deeper than that. For me at least and based on the heated stare he was delivering, Jaah would agree to whatever we had being more than just a little fun but that was all it could be.
“So that’s it? You’re just saying fuck it?”
“What do you want me to say?”
