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“To me, yes. I appreciate…”
My words were cut off by his hand at the back of my neck, his lips and then his tongue and god he was making it hard to kept a level head but I managed to pull back.
“You can’t kiss me because I’m about to say something you don’t agree with.”
“If what you’re about to say leads to you not being here then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.Everytime.”
“Nothing about you makes sense.”
“That’s by design. When people can figure you out, they know how to handle you or manipulate you.”
“I wouldn’t do that.” My posture went stiff and his fingers danced up my spine across my skin.
Soothing.
Rhythmic.
“Which is why I not only want you here, I want you. I signed my first deal with Privilege when I was twenty-two. That album went triple platinum. My next two were the same. My life has been exposed since the day my first single launched. Interviews, tours, headlines. I’m no longer a person. I’m an opportunity. One way or another everyone I encounter wants something from me. The shit gets exhausting.”
But wasn’t I the same? I never asked for anything and I wouldn’t but here I was, the product of his generosity.
“I’m no different than anyone else.”
“Nah, baby you are. You didn’t have a clue who I was when we met. The freedom I felt to just be, when I was with you, when Iamwith you is priceless. You need me. No point in lying or ignoring the obvious but that’s okay because I need you too. This isn’t single sided, Cadence.”
“That’s true but your risk far outweighs mine.”
He pulled me into him, pressing his forehead into my chest and I raked my fingers through his hair.
“You wanna know what’s crazy?” he mumbled.
“I’m not sure I do.”
“That’s the same shit Drew hit me with.” His voice was confident but his eyes held a look of indifference as they stretched mine.
“He asked you what I was risking being with you?”
“More or less but his exact words were what risk were you willing to take to be here with me. If this goes bad, that I was the only one losing.”
“He thinks I’m using you.”
“It’s his job to play devil’s advocate, to assume the worst in every situation so that we’re both prepared from all angles.”
I flinched with the realization that his risk far outweighed mine “Oh…”
“But, I told him with confidence that it didn’t matter whether or not I was the one most at risk. I was still in this with you, regardless. At the time that was the way I saw things but now that I’ve had time to really process what we’re doing, I realize you have the most to lose. She’s precious and rare and basically everything that matters in this world to you. You’re trusting me not just with you, but with her. If I fail you…”
“You won’t,” I said softly, kissing the corner of his mouth.
“Nah, I won’t. Too much on the line when it comes to both of you, but my point is, money can be replaced so can my career. I love what I do and the life it’s given me but if I lost it all today, I would survive…”
If I lost Gracie or if anything happened to her I wouldn’t.
He understood how much she meant to me. Understood that my life would slip from the axis of its rotation if she weren’t here.
He was making sure I was clear that he understood the weight of my sacrifice by trusting him to be a part of our lives and that warmed me all over. Filled me with a type of emotion I had never experienced before.
Safe.
