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"Don't throw it, Aisling! It'll blow!" I shouted, but she just laughed again as she danced around the pile, the can remaining in hand this time.
"Put it down," I yelled at her, and she just flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder, smiled at me, and sent me a little wave.
Despite it all, I never thought she would do it. She should've known I was serious. I've always been serious when it comes to the flames. Yet she laughed in my face when she threw the fucking thing, and at that moment, all I could think was goddammit, I told her not to fucking throw it.
"Get down!" I screamed at her, backing away for the door behind me, but she never even moved from her spot a couple of feet away from the flames. She was still standing there, grinning at me, as the can hit the fire, and the world stood on end for just a moment. I held my breath, and in the blink of an eye, it detonated, engulfing her in a ball of white fire. Her laughter ceased to be, extinguished as it turned to screams instead.
There was nothing I could do.
She was one big fucking fireball. I tore off my shirt and tried to get close to her, but she was so hot that it burned my skin from where I stood and popped sweat across my brow. She screamed and flailed, running wildly down the tunnel. It took less than seven seconds for her to fall to her knees and collapse face-first against the stone.
"Goddammit!" I yelled as I ran around the original fire and to her, using my shirt to try to extinguish the flames as best I could. Piece by piece, I tried to save her, suffocating the flames. It went against my every instinct. I didn't start the fire. I didn't add to it. I didn't watch it burn. I just doused it out as best as I could, and it still wasn't enough to save her.
A chunk of stone is missing in the wall from where the can blew and ricocheted down the tunnel. Aisling died down here, and one day, I think I'd like to show Avery the exact same spot. Not because I want to recreate the blaze, but because she is my salve, the only person in the world I've met capable of calming the twitch in my fingers and the tingle racing up my spine that was desperate to set the world ablaze.
Avery is my new compulsion.
Aisling was compelled with me.
Maybe I grieved her. I don't know.
I hate thinking about her now, though, because thoughts of her remind me of my failures. Her death didn't stop my compulsion. If anything, it fed it.
I wanted to understand her disregard and her lack of respect, but even after all of this time, I don't understand a damn thing.
I wonder what my Firefly is doing right now. I skipped class today to come here instead, not that my professors will mind. Everything's pass-fail anyway, but I had to come here. Something about this place calls to me when the world doesn't quite make sense.
I know that if they try to send Avery anywhere, I will follow her. I can't be without her, not now.
I play with my lighter in the dark, watching the flame flicker on and off, plunging me into darkness and delivering me from it again. I light a piece of paper and drop the burning page onto a pile of rags in front of me, catching them alight. The flames stretch toward the ceiling, but they're not even halfway there, not yet. I could burn the whole school down if I wanted to, but I don't. I need to protect her. I walk over to the burning pile and stomp it out beneath the heel of my loafer. It catches the bottom of my pants leg on fire, and I quickly smother the flame out with my hand.
My phone vibrates inside of my pocket, but the noise is too much today. I'm worried, and the letters and numbers jumble together and create something new on my phone screen. Still, I take it out and try to read it aloud to no avail. I even run my fingertip along the bottom of each line, but it doesn't help.
There's too much damn noise. It hums in between my ears, growing louder and louder, until I drown in it.
I take a deep breath and see Avery's face, and the noise quiets to a low rumble. Finally, when I run my fingertip along the line once more, I can read it. It's the group chat with Saint and Kill.
Kill
Your girl make it out of Headmistress's office alive?
Saint
Doubtful. She looks like she'll break her in two.
I leave them both on read.
They underestimate her, but that's fine by me. They don't need to do anything with my Firefly.
I hope she's giving Headmistress and her parents hell right now. God knows Headmistress will try to send her to Butcher before the day is out. You can't disappear like she did and not expect repercussions, but everybody knows Butcher doesn't like to fuck with the eating disorder kids. They probably aren't enough of a challenge for him. He likes the ones who hurt others, not themselves. Members of the thinspo club get force-fed if they end up in isolation, but that's about it. Still, I'm hoping she can avoid meeting his ancient ass.
I tear my eyes away from the still smoldering pile in front of me, turn on my heel, and head out of the tunnel and toward the administrative office.
I don't care if I have to wait all day. I need to see her face. As if they send her to the hole, I'll blow her a kiss and tell her to give Butcher a bigfuck youfrom me when she arrives.
25
AVERY
