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The connection broke. I was left with the message I had been sent many times before—SESSION ENDED. There had been too many “SESSION ENDED” messages on my screen. My only solace was that Wayne didn’t have too many years left. He would still be in the corps, but he wouldn’t deploy. That was a young man’s work. Wayne was no longer that young.
“All right, Miss Emily,” I said as I slid her off my lap. “Time for bed.”
“I don’t want to go to bed.”
“You never do. You always want to stay up.”
“You let me sometimes.”
“I do…on weekends. This is a weekday. I have to work tomorrow, so it’s bedtime for us.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why is it a weekday and not a weekend?”
“I don’t think you’re ready for a lesson in time and calendars. But, to keep it simple, there are seven days in a week. Five of those days are weekdays. Two are weekend days. I don’t work on weekend days. So, we both can stay up later.”
“I wish I was older.”
“Why would you want that?”
“I would know everything.”
I laughed. “No one ever knows everything. But, you will know much more than you know now.”
“I know a lot already.”
“Yes, you do, and you’re going to learn more. But not everything.”
“That’s all right. I’ll know more than Susie. She doesn’t know very much.”
“Susie in kindergarten?”
Emily nodded. “She doesn’t know the difference between a number and a letter. I know that.”
“That is very good. Now, off you go. Brush your teeth. I’ll tuck your covers in a little bit.”
She hugged me, which made up for the hug I didn’t get from Wayne. Well, it wasn’t the best substitute, but it would have to do. I felt that familiar yearning. I wanted to be held. I wanted to share my warmth. That would have to wait.
I “ran the perimeter,” as Wayne always said. That meant checking all the doors and windows on the first floor. It took five minutes, and it allowed me to sleep better. I also checked the gun safe by the bed. Yep, my firearm was there, loaded and ready. My only fear was that if I really needed it, I would forget the combination. No, I would never forget that. It was the day Emily was born.
I sat with Emily until she fell asleep. I read her favorite book to her, which soothed us both. Nightlight on, I slipped away. Getting into bed, I knew the next hour would be the hardest. I would be alone. Strange how things worked. In high school and college, I always slept alone. After marriage being alone felt strange. I hoped it would always be that way.
My job at the bank did not involve handling money. I was management in the Human Resources division. Along with a bunch of other people, I hired, trained, and fired the people who waited on customers, lent money, and explained how our bank was the best one in North Carolina. My boss appreciated my hard work, which resulted in my quick rise through the ranks. It wasn’t that I was that much better than the others at my level. I was just more willing to handle the difficult cases. After my chat with Wayne, I wasn’t in the mood for Mrs. Lopez, but she was on my schedule. I didn’t shirk the hard decisions.
Mrs. Lopez is forty-four. She is a mother of three children. Her husband had abandoned them several years earlier. The bank didn’t pay her much, but she kept her family together. I didn’t want to end her employment with the bank, but I had no choice. The branch where she worked was closing. She had to go.
Never easy.
“I know it’s not your fault,” Mrs. Lopez said. “I know you did all you could for me. It’s…it’s just hard, you know? I have the kids, and we don’t have much. I don’t know how I’m going to make it.”
“You’re going to make it, Mrs. Lopez. I can assure you of that. But this is your exit interview. I have to ask you for your badge.”
Mrs. Lopez, thick but clean and neat, opened her purse. She pulled out her worn badge, looked at it, and bit her lip.
“I’ve had this a long time,” Mrs. Lopez said. “I never missed a day. Did you know that? Not one day. Not even when there was a hurricane coming.” She slid the badge across the desk.
