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“It’s late. I should probably go.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Jasmine, you have no idea how worried I was that you would quit the bank altogether. I would hate for that to happen.”
“He’s dead,” I said.
Codrin frowned. “Who’s dead?”
“Wayne, my husband.”
“I am so sorry.” He looked into my eyes. “Hug?”
“You have no idea how badly I need a hug.”
He held out his arms, and I moved into them. We hugged, really hugged, and my emotions erupted inside me. I sobbed. I sobbed into his shoulder. He said nothing. He did nothing. He simply held me, providing the human contact I had gone without for so long. He felt so good, so real, so him. I didn’t try to think. I did nothing but hold on. He understood.
I held onto him until the sobbing stopped. We moved to the couch, and he continued to hold me. That was when I started to talk. I told him all about Wayne—from first sight to last kiss.
Codrin listened.
I knew then that I wanted more from Codrin. I hoped he wanted the same from me.
Chapter sixteen
ItookEmilyoutof school for the next week. We flew to Wilmington, which was a treat for Emily. For me, it was a walk down memory lane, a lane clouded with dark clouds and cold winds. We stayed with my parents, who lived in Brunswick Forest across the Cape Fear River from Wilmington. They were subdued, as they had grieved over the years. I could tell they were worried about me and Emily. I assured them we were all right. We had been living without Wayne for a while. We had a routine. I didn’t mention Codrin. That was not a discussion I was willing to start. Codrin was not an immediate addition to my life. He might never be.
I left Emily with my parents, who were taking her to a movie and shopping. I drove up the coast to Jacksonville, home of Camp Lejeune and the Marine Corps. I considered trying to meet with the Colonel. I thought he might have some additional information or advice. I decided against that. I wasn’t ready.
Wayne’s parents owned a farm a few miles outside the city. The actual work had been handed down to Wayne’s brother Eldon. In the middle of winter, there wasn’t a lot of farming to be done. Eldon had taken his wife to Charleston for a mini-vacation. I was under the impression that they were trying to make a baby. Charleston was a good place for that. Wayne and I had spent some time there. The city was full of churches and characters.
Graham opened the door for me. He looked like a blown-up version of Wayne. Not so powerful, not so muscular, not so much hair, but the same smile, the same cadence of speech. His voice was raspy, the result of too much smoking as a young man. Smoking had been the vice of choice for many people in “tobacco country.” He smiled and held out his arms. I was ready for a hug.
“Thank you for coming,” he whispered. “Wynelle needs a visit.”
“I’ll do what I can,” I said.
Wynelle wore a modern parka, a cigarette in her hand. Where Graham had kicked the habit, she hadn’t. She had salon created blonde hair, beady brown eyes, and small wrinkles all around her lips (the wages of smoking). She stared out over fields that were now bare. I knew they would be plowed soon and prepped for the coming year. Corn or beans or maybe tobacco would be the view come spring. In the summer, the heat and humidity and mosquitos would keep Wynelle inside, in her little smoking room on the second floor. I never let Emily visit Grammy Wynelle in her smoking room. I sat in the white rocker next to Wynelle. She turned and smiled, a meek smile.
“Thank you for coming,” she said.
“I couldn’t stay away,” I told her. “You’re family.”
I knew I wasn’t Wynelle’s favorite. She liked Eldon’s wife better, even though Emily was Wynelle’s only grandchild.
“I want you to know I don’t blame you,” Wynelle said. “That wasn’t always the case. I used to think that Wayne did what he did because of you. You chased him away sometimes.”
“I never did that.”
She held up one hand. “I know that now. I knew it then, but I didn’t want to believe it. Wayne did what he loved to do. You could either support him or get a divorce. I’m glad you didn’t divorce.”
“I loved Wayne with all my heart. I still love him. There will always be a hole in my heart. He was…everything.”
“I wasn’t a very good mother-in-law. I know that. When your child finds someone he loves more than you, you sometimes get vengeful. I let myself go down a dark path. I have to apologize for that.”
“You did what you thought was best.”
She blew out a stream of smoke. I realized that what she was doing was terribly difficult. No one likes to admit mistakes.
