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I puff out the air in my cheeks. “I was only three years older than you are now, Seb. We lost a baby, and I was stupid and relieved I could focus on my work. But that didn’t mean I would reject you if I knew about you.”
“She didn’t know that. She wanted to set you free of any obligation.”
The fucking irony of it all. I pushed her to believe I didn’t want him. I recall the night I told her how I regretted not starting a family with her and how she bolted with some silly excuse. She tried to tell me something and I told her to take time before she explained what bothered her. Never did I imagine it was this huge.
Would I have handled myself differently if she told me before the fiasco with the dining event? Would I have given her the benefit of the doubt if she told me while I wasn’t mad and disappointed?
“Look, Dad, I have three more weeks of summer break left and then we go back to LA when school starts. I’ve always dreamed about having a cool dad like some of my friends have. One that cares about me and involves me in his life. But I’ll stay with Mom. I can’t leave her alone.”
My son. Smarter than me, for sure. The realization that I only have three weeks left with him settles like spoiled milk in my stomach.
Avoiding a conversation with Gina is no longer an option. I’m not losing my child again.
“Thank you for talking to me, buddy. Let’s go help Lena. We have work to do.”
He smiles. “So you’ll talk to Mom and figure this out with her?”
I nod and ruffle his hair. “Get to work now.”
After the lunch rush we take the town car to my mother’s for a quick visit. As we fight upstream against traffic, Seb challenges me to a mobile game he likes. I only started playing a few weeks ago and I must admit I’m getting hooked.
I win a round.
“Damn it, I never should have taught you,” he grumbles. “You’re screwing up my score.”
“Language, young man.” I nudge his shoulder.
He rolls his eyes, unimpressed.
“What are you going to do with the money you earn this summer?” I ask.
“I’ll watch the flight prices and get a ticket to come and visit you.” His fingers and eyes don’t leave the screen, skillfully getting to the next level.
His words bring me joy but also emphasize our impossible situation. Or is it only impossible for me? “I’ll pay for your flight any time you want.”
“I wish we could live together.”
His casual admission feels like a spear in my intestines. If I don’t have an ulcer after this summer, I might live forever.
After Gina agreed to stay for the summer, I hoped… Well, I’m not exactly sure what I hoped for. But I certainly didn’t let myself think as far as the beginning of the school year.
As we arrive at my mother’s, the situation continues festering inside me.
“Here is my favorite grandson.” Mom envelopes Seb in a hug and ignores me. Ever since he showed up in our lives I’ve been replaced, but I don’t mind. She’s always wanted a grandchild, and while the circumstances are not ideal I want her to enjoy her time with him as much as possible.
“Gran, I’m your only grandchild.” He wiggles out of her strangling hold and strolls into the kitchen. Without waiting, he opens the fridge and pours himself a lemonade. Funny how quickly he became at home here.
“Get some for your father, Seb,” Mom chirps. She actually fucking chirps her words. If the hospitality transgression was reversed, I’d have gotten a head smack.
“Would you like some as well, Gran?”
“No, I’m good. I only make that sweet stuff for my boys.” She pats his back. He’s already taller than she is. “I got something for you.”
She leaves the kitchen for a moment and returns with a sheet of paper. “These are good high schools in New York. I made some preliminary calls and they would have you, should you decide to transfer.”
He looks at the list and frowns. “But—”
“Mom, I don’t think this is something we need your help with. The decision is Gina’s and mine.”
