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I had not taken a breath during his speech and I did so suddenly now, a sharp inhale as I realized he stood within reach. Tempting and torturing all at once.
"I meant what I said last night," I whispered. "I feel onlygreedwhen I…" I fell silent, shaking my head as my throat tightened around the words. The lie.
It was a lie. Conall made me bright with humor and joy. Laszlo made me ache sweetly with need and affection. Hywel thrilled me, made me want to be wild and violent and brave again.
And Asterion… I wanted to step into the shelter of his body, the quiet depth he carried with every step and word, and I wanted to press my lips to his skin as if I could return the beauty I found in him, convince him of it. I wanted to give as much back to these men as they gave to me. I didn't know if I could.
"It would be easier to resist kissing you if you didn't look at me like that," Asterion rumbled, looming over me.
"I don't want you to take a sword for me, Asterion," I answered. "And I would never ask you to be lesser."
"If I had fucked you when you first asked it of me, taken your body with mine, would you still want them?" he asked.
I opened my mouth to say no. To say yes. To say it was impossible to answer.
"I asked for sex. Not for possession. Not for claiming. And I don't ask for those things now, either," I said instead.
Asterion's gaze shuttered and he nodded. "But that's what I'll take, when you're ready. I've known that since the night I saw you in The Seven Veils." His body bent and I rose to my toes, arched back to shape myself to his body, nearly touching. "I leave a room you enter because every time I am near you, I'm at the mercy of your scent, your gaze, the potential of your touch. I have memorized your features, and I dream of them."
I was breathless, or I was gasping, drowning in his scent too, a smoother, cleaner fragrance than I'd expected, so soft and vaguely sweet.
"I know every piece of you as well as I know myself now. Youaremine. Your scent tells me so. Your touch," Asterion murmured, barely audible, teasing me closer, higher, my chest brushing to his with every heaving breath.
His hand rose and cupped the back of my neck, and my entire body quaked. There was truth in his words, an understanding sinking into me that I'd either ignored or been ignorant of.
"But fate has always toyed with me," Asterion whispered, that line digging between his eyes, wrinkling his brow. His other hand raised, and a single thick fingertip lifted the braided feather up, the gold glinting out of the corner of my eyes. "And I am not alone."
He wants more than I can give, I tried to tell myself. But with him towering over me, touching me, speaking so privately and plainly, I wanted to throw myself into him. Perhaps possession would be a simpler course of action than fighting for my own identity. I could let Asterion pour his love into me, use it to fill all the empty caverns of my soul once more. I would not be my own, but I would besomeone's.
But would I give up Laszlo, who had tended me and soothed me and lavished me with all the delicate presents and touches and the ceremony of lovemaking? Or Hywel, who had saved my life and kept my dreams safe, who'd sworn vengeance on my behalf? Or Conall, who teased and chased me and reminded me of the sound of my own laughter, of being wild and silly and careless again?
I wouldn't. Perhaps I'd already lost the war I'd been waging against my own feelings.
I reached for Asterion and his head sank heavily into my palm, velvet fur and strong jaw vibrating with a restrained moan.
"Asterion, youaretheir equal," I said.
You can be their equal with me too, I wanted to add, but the door to the training room opened with a bang, cutting my words off as I gasped. I expected Asterion to jerk away in reflex, but instead he hauled me to his chest, twisting us so that his body was placed between myself and the door.
Playing the part of a shield, I thought bitterly.
"Come," Laszlo said, taloned hands bracing the doors open, face straight and solemn. "There are…ill tidings in the sea."
"Stay here," Asterion said to me.
Laszlo answered before I could. "No. She remains with us. Hywel is disturbed, and he wouldn't like her alone. Now, quickly."
Asterion kept his arm around me as we hurried to follow Laszlo out into the hall, the steady weight of his touch a relieving contrast to my rioting nerves. There were no dreamers in the shadows we rushed through, and I tried to recall if I'd seen any since Hywel had woken. We'd been served lavish dinners, but was there another magic to the castle than the shadow figures who roamed about?
A sudden, deafening roar startled me from my musing, and Asterion clutched me closer.
"Was that Hywel?" I asked. "Is he in his dragon form again?"
"He's stronger that way," Laszlo answered.
"Are you sure it's safe to bring her out—?"
"Yes, yes," Laszlo snapped, cutting Asterion off. He spun in place, features tight and eyes vivid, searching wildly for a moment before settling on me. His hand reached out, but he didn't grab at me. "She's saferwithus than alone, haven't we established that?"
