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“I always knew they were a bunch of hos,” came a guy’s answer, earning a round of laughter.
I let go of my phone and crossed to the other side of the street, looking away.
It was finals week. I had to get home to study. But what was the point? I’d worked so hard to succeed this semester: slaving for grades, saving my cash. Now I couldn’t fathom coming back in the fall.
As rain pounded the sidewalk, I imagined Patrick racing to find me in the storm, the sound of his feet dashing after me. Arms wrapping around me, hugging me close. Him panting into my hair,Sorry, so sorry, baby, let me hold you, I love you.
I stopped in front of an apartment building. Without realizing it, I’d walked straight to the one person I could actually talk to. Climbing the stairs, I knocked on the door. It creaked open.
“Oh,” breathed a guy I didn’t recognize. “Hi.” He adjusted his black-rimmed glasses.
“Hi.” I crossed my arms. “Is Marcus home?”
“Ah…no. Wanna come in and wait?” He gave me a sweet, stoned smile.
I hugged myself tighter. “Nah, I’ll just stay out here.”
“You sure about that? It’s warmer inside.”
I nodded.
“Smoke?” He held up his pipe.
“No. Do you live here?”
“Mm-hm. I’m Russell. Who’re you?”
Huddling against the wall, I rubbed my temples. “Good question.”
He hovered on the threshold. Finally he gave up on an answer, his blurred gaze traveling to my ankles. “I like your socks.”
What the hell. Russell was too baked to harass me — I hoped. I followed him in, took off my raincoat, and hung it over a chair.
Once I curled up on the futon, Russell happily ignored me. He switched off between leafing through a book that may have been for finals and plinking the piano in the corner with one hand. I watched his brown fingers on the keys. The storm battered the window panes.
Either Russell didn’t follow campus rumors, or he didn’t care. Finally, I stretched my legs and stood.
“Is Marcus…coming home soon?”
Russell swiveled slowly from the piano bench. “No clue.”
“So you invited me in, but he might be out all night?”
“Ah, yeah.” He giggled. “I mean, he’ll come home eventually. Maybe tomorrow, so…feel free to stay. Folks crash here all the time. You look, uh, you know. Bedraggled. Futon’s yours if you want it.”
I dialed Marcus’s number — no response — and texted him.Can I talk to you?I was desperate for one word of sympathy from someone who wouldn’t judge me. Nothing came back. When I put on my raincoat, it was still wet.
“I miss him,” I said to Russell. “I know you have no idea what I’m talking about, but I just need to tell someone. I’m so mad at him, and I miss him so much it physically hurts, and it’s not the kind of pain that feels good.”
He blinked long lashes behind his glasses. “You mean Marcus?”
“No. The guy I’m — the guy I loved. Fuck it, Istilllove him.” Saying it out loud, to a stranger, made it real.
He bestowed his sweet smile on me. “‘Course you do. Don’t we all.”
The rain was relentless. I pushedthrough, holding my hood tight around my face, until I reached my apartment. All I wantedwas the safety of my room, where no one could hurt me or dig up my secrets.
When I got to the top of the stairs, Alexis was waiting for me.
