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Behind me, Patrick rolled away. The mattress sank and rose as he climbed off the bed. I turned and propped myself up on an elbow while he opened the laptop on his desk and hit a few keys.
The tones of acoustic guitars filled the room, quiet, but commanding attention. Two voices intertwined — young guys singing.
Hello darkness, my old friend…
The music was so intimate, it was like they were whispering into my ear. The harmonies gave me chills.
…Within the sound of silence.
Drums kicked in on the second verse, driving the song. The groove carried me along, but with a sudden ache, I missed the intimacy of the opening. Patrick stood by his desk, naked, carved, his cock half-hard, watching my reaction.
I waited until the song was finished. “It’s beautiful.”
“You’ve never heard it before?”
I pushed my matted hair off my face. “I usually listen to other kinds of music. Is it old?”
“About fifty years. But it’s one of those songs that lasts forever. It’s my favorite.” Patrick picked up a pen from the desk and fiddled with it.Click click click.He wasn’t a fidgeter. Something told me not to answer, to let the silence lengthen the way he did with me. He tossed up the pen and caught it. “I listened to this song over and over again last summer. It was all I heard for months.”
“Why?” I couldn’t keep quiet any longer.
“Because I needed to.”
“Is the darkness your friend?”
He dropped the pen on the desk. It rolled to rest against the laptop. “It’s the oldest friend I have.”
Closing the laptop, he climbed into bed beside me. His hand found its place on my hip.
“What does that mean, exactly?” I asked. “You want to be a dark person? You're embracing the darkness in your soul?”
“No.” He laughed a little. “It means, I can rely on the dark. It comes every night. I can depend on that. And the dark means you don’t have to pretend.”
“I thought you believed in not pretending.”
“In a perfect world, yes.”
“Nothing’s perfect,” I murmured.
“You’re right. Nothing is.”
We reached out at the same time, and our hands touched. When he folded his fingers around mine, I looked away, the moment suddenly intimate, but I held his hand. He turned off the lamp and we lay there, together, in the dark.
10
I’m Alone
Christina
The next night, I tested myself. It was Saturday, and I planned to go out with the girls later. But early evening found me home alone.
When dusk turned into night, I closed my bedroom door, took a deep breath, and shut the lights.
In the darkness, my body tightened. I breathed out slowly, carefully, and made my way to the bed.
The room was familiar enough that I didn’t bump into anything. When I passed my desk, I felt for the middle drawer and dropped in my phone with the junky snacks, the pills, and the napkin that saidlittle lies.
In bed, I ran my hands over my body. I was solid. Those were my clingy sweater sleeves, pushed up my arms. The heart necklace I’d gotten for my sixteenth birthday. The thick chunky socks I’d put on to wear around the apartment. I couldn’t see, but I didn’t need to.
