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“Bren, when I met you— You were just as charming. Just as ambitious and image-driven. I felt like I was looking at a younger version of my dad. Go ahead and analyze that shit. Trust me, I have.”
Brendan mumbled something. It sounded like “I’m not them.”
“I know that now. But for a long time, I thought so.”
Sonia stared at the neatly folded white towels hanging from the rack. She felt Brendan’s eyes on her.
“I want to hear more, but…” He put his fist to his mouth.
Quickly, she got to her feet, looking away as he leaned over the bathtub. Finally, he ran the water, splashing his face and rinsing the tub.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m sorry. This is probably really hard for you.”
“It’s okay. I’ve seen worse.” Brendan sank to the floor again, and Sonia settled behind him. “I’d like to say I hated it when they drank, but sometimes I wanted it. Because then they’d say things to me that they’d never say when they were sober. Things like, ‘You’re the best. We’re so proud of you. You’re our special girl. We love you so much.’”
Brendan turned to look at her. “Like I did,” he mumbled. “Tonight.”
“Yeah,” Sonia whispered.
“I meant it then. I mean it now. I’ll mean it tomorrow.”
“Brendan, you don’t have to say that.”
“It’s the truth.”
“I could never— I could never count on them.”
“But you can count on me.”
Sonia met his eyes. “You need to know this. Sometimes I think I won’t ever understand how to be in a relationship. I don’t know how to love. To stay.”
Wrapping his strong arms around her, Brendan pulled her into his chest. His body drooped with exhaustion, and he smelled like booze. But his hug warmed her until she stopped shivering.
“You want to know what I think?” he murmured. “I think you care so much, you’re afraid of it.”
Sonia tensed. But he kept holding her in a steady embrace. “What about you?”
“Yeah, me too,” he whispered.
Pillowing her cheek on his shoulder, she stroked his hair. “Can I do this?”
He smiled wryly, dimples flickering. “You can do anything you want to me.”
His words made her feel fizzy inside. Sonia brushed the brown waves to one side, then the other. “I like your hair longer. It’s luscious.”
Brendan’s shoulder shook under her cheek. He was laughing.“You’reluscious.”
“Are you ready to get in bed now?”
After a moment, he nodded. Disentangling herself, Sonia held out a hand, but he heaved himself up from the floor and moved carefully out of the bathroom. When he climbed into bed, she tucked the blanket around him.
“I’ll stay with you,” she said softly.
He lifted his head, squinting in the lamplight. “You’ll stay?”
Sonia swallowed. “Yes.”
“Right here. Right beside me.” Brendan patted the bed.
