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It was the laughing and the chatting. The way she moved through the town, curious and kind, making people feel seen and heard.
It was the last thing I needed. Getting attached wasn’t in my makeup. Women were complications I did not have the bandwidth to deal with. But like it or not, Parker was my roommate and my fake girlfriend, and against my better judgment, we were becoming friends.
And so we were at the fall bonfire together. I never showed up for this shit. I hated town events. But this one was not so bad. Mainly because my brothers were here, and Tucker and Goldie, of course. I slipped them each a twenty so they could buy as much junk food as they wanted, and I savored the giant hugs I got in return.
Those kids sometimes made me question my conviction that fatherhood was absolutely not for me.
Generally, I needed fewer things to worry about, not more. But adding Goldie and Tucker to my list wasn’t difficult at all.
The fall bonfire was an annual tradition and an opportunity for the town to get together to burn shit and drink. Which, up here, was the highlight of the season. I would have preferred to be home, in front of my fireplace, sipping a glass of scotch and listening to Mahler, but this wasn’t quite as terrible as I had imagined.
Eventually, I found my way over to Parker, who’d moved on to chatting with Henri and Alice. He had an arm draped around Alice’s shoulders protectively, as if he would kill anyone who dared to touch her.
As we chatted, Parker laced her fingers with mine. It had been a long time since I’d gotten excited about hand holding. But the way her small, smooth hand fit perfectly in mine had my heartbeat kicking up a notch while it somehow simultaneously made a contented warmth spread through me. Being physically linked to her was surprisingly soothing. Her hand was a calming anchor as we made our way through a sea of small-town socialization.
Parker held court, keeping the conversation going with Henri and Alice, while my mind wandered.
“You’ll be at the wedding, right?” Alice asked, pursing her lips like she was worried.
Alice was a sunny, kind person, and even though my brother could be a surly asshole, I could see the pull he felt to soothe away all her worries. It was no surprise Henri had taken one look at her and fallen madly in love. She had done so much for our little town in a short time, and she’d completely changed my brother’s life in the process. Despite the sweet disposition, though, she had one hell of a backbone. She had to, because keeping a Gagnon man in line was no easy feat.
“It’s all so last-minute.”
Henri pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. I was used to their endless affection, but Parker stiffened next to me. The reaction was subtle, but discomfort wafted off her. Maybe, like me, she sometimes felt that desperate desire in her veins to have someone of her own. Most of the time, I was perfectly content. But once in a while, when my guard was down, the ache of loneliness took over and threatened to consume me.
Part of me wanted to ask her later, but that would be crossing a line. We were forging a grudging friendship, sure, but that was a bridge too far.
“Parker, you have to come.” Alice turned and looked at me, stricken. “Paz, she has to come!”
“She’ll be there,” I said, putting my arm around Parker and liking the way she fit perfectly next to me.
“Excellent!” Alice cried, grabbing Parker’s hands. “It’s going to be super low key, but we would love to have you there.”
Parker gave her a tight smile. “I wouldn’t miss it.”
“I’m gonna be the flower girl,” Goldie cheered, darting toward us with sticky hands and chocolate smeared on her cheek.
Parker crouched and gave my niece a bright smile. “Will you wear a special dress?”
Goldie engaged Parker in a lengthy conversation about her dress and her shoes and her hair while I stood by and listened. And dammit if a warm sensation didn’t spread through my chest.
“Tucker is walking me down the aisle,” Alice murmured, putting her arm around her son, who, at almost thirteen, was growing like a weed and wearing a grimace laced with embarrassment at the physical affection his mom was showering on him. “I don’t have the best relationship with my dad,” she explained, “and Tucker is so important to me.”
He puffed up a bit at that.
“It’s gonna be fun,” my brother said, ruffling Tucker’s hair. “We’ll have food and drinks and music. You know, wedding stuff—” His train of thought derailed when Alice elbowed him and pointed across the bonfire. And with that, they were making their way over to chat with a group of teachers from the primary school.
I looped my arm with Parker’s and led her toward the fire, ignoring how natural it felt to pull her close. “Let’s do a lap. I’ll introduce you, and you can get the full Lovewell experience.” And this way I wouldn’t be alone with her. If I was, I didn’t think I could resist doing something stupid like kissing her. Because the image of her lush lips, which were almost always painted red, lived rent free in my brain. Those lips could break a man, but I had to remain strong.
We stopped by the various booths, sampled snacks, and chatted with the locals. Parker was friendly, and she engaged with everyone she met. I admired that about her. At home, she mostly ignored me or danced around while working.
But here, she was laser-focused and processing every single detail.
It was a turn-on, watching someone as smart and capable as her work. I could see the wheels turn when she was preparing to ask a follow-up question, and I’d caught on to the hint of a squint that would appear when she suspected someone wasn’t telling the truth.
I wanted to talk to her, keep her all to myself. This funny feeling, was it jealousy? Watching her turn that gorgeous smile on one person after another was slowly gutting me.
Bernice’s pies had sold out in minutes, but we’d stopped by her table to say hi. As we were leaving, we were approached by another local.
