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Punishment? He couldn't punish her if he wasn't her Master. “I'm sorry, Mistress Connie, but I just want to be left alone. I made a mistake—this isn't the right path for me. I wasted almost a year of my life to discover that, and I'm not wasting any more.”
“Oh really? Is that what you believe, Anarchy? If you're no longer of the submissive mind, tell me please, why does my name and the honorific roll so nicely off your tongue? Fooling yourself is easy, sweetheart, but me? Not so much.” Connie drifted over to the adjoining kitchen, making a disapproving noise in her throat. “Let things get on top of you, haven't you?”
Archie knew exactly what her kitchen looked like and couldn't muster the energy to care. The trash can was so full, she couldn't stuff anything else into it. There were plates and dishes jammed haphazardly into the sink, mugs and glasses discarded on the countertop.
The chaos wasn't just focused on the kitchen. Her usually pristine apartment looked like some sort of grenade had detonated throughout the small space, littering everything with dust and spent tissues. Not to mention the array of ice cream cartons scattered everywhere.
“I'm taking a break from life,” Archie mumbled and tossed the spoon aside with a clatter. “Got a problem with that?”
“Absolutely, I do. Mind the attitude, Anarchy; I occasionally swing both ways if the whim strikes, and you won't like how I reprimand snotty attitudes.” Connie shot her an arched look as she continued to meander around the room. “Sulking time is over. It's obvious that leaving you to your own devices and hoping you'd be a responsible adult hasn't worked. So, we'll go ahead with our original plan and get you back where you belong.”
Anarchy snorted derisively. “Belong? I don't belong anywhere. Jasper doesn't want me, Atticus deserves not to be saddled with a sub pining over another man, and I...I don't want to be at the club, watching Jasper seeing to other women's needs when mine revolve around him. So, I'm just going to stay right here on my couch where I belong, for a few more weeks.”
Connie sighed and cleared a spot on the coffee table so she could sit down. “Jasper won't be an issue, Archie. He hasn't been to Avalon since that night in the parking lot.”
Copper filled her mouth. Fear unlike any she'd ever known rose in a tidal wave and crashed down on top of her. She pushed herself up to a sitting position and swallowed hard. “What do you mean he hasn't been seen? It's been two fucking weeks!” Her voice was high, shrill, and she couldn't seem to get it under control. “Why is no one looking for him? He could be hurt, he could be...” God, she couldn't bring herself to say the word. “We need to go find him.”
“He isn't dead, Archie. He picked his truck up from the lot the next morning, before dawn. By the time Braun's security system alerted him to a presence on the property and he made it downstairs, Jasper had been and gone. Unlike you, he's had the decency to drop a message in every few days so we know he's okay.” Connie's eyes searched Archie's face. “He asks Braun about you, sweetheart. I wouldn't call quits on it yet.”
She was seconds away from throwing up a pint of ice cream, she realized. She hatedthrowing up in front of anybody, but the stress of this was wreaking havoc on her system. She wondered if she looked as green as she felt. “You need to leave.” She swung her legs off the couch and breathed through her mouth, trying to stave off disaster as saliva pooled. “You need to leave now.”
“I don't think so,” Connie murmured softly. “I'll go out on a limb here and say a lot of people in your life just up and leave when you need them most, don't they, Archie? Life gets hard, things get complicated, and off they go, leaving you to deal with the fallout. That's not me, sweetheart, and it's not how the Avalon family operate. You're stuck with us, baby.”
The remote went flying as Archie whipped the blanket back and bolted for the bathroom. She dived for the toilet, certain she'd broken both knees as they landed hard on the tiles, and slammed the seat up. A moment later, her stomach unleashed carnage unlike any she'd ever experienced, retching uncontrollably as she cried. Her humiliation was complete when a gentle hand scooped her hair away from the bowl and held it out of the way, another rubbing her heaving shoulders with such calm patience, some of it seeped into her.
“The Masters of Avalon have a real knack of finding submissives with issues. Beautiful pairings, but such hard work for both parties. Stay there, Archie, and just catch your breath. No point me hauling your skinny butt back in there only for you to break an Olympic record getting back in here for a second round.” The Mistress's hand was warm and comforting through the thin cotton of the T-shirt. “Tonight marks the end of wallowing in self-pity and ushers in a new age of Anarchy. Finish throwing up, get yourself in the shower and cleaned up. I expect to see you back in the living room in twenty minutes with your teeth brushed, hair in order, and dressed appropriately.”
Breathless, exhausted, and ready to crawl into the soiled toilet bowl to drown herself, Anarchy wilted onto the floor and folded her arms, resting her wet cheek on them. “You don't understand. This is what nine months of submission has done to me. This is what I'm reduced to, and in the end, I wasn't enough for him. I don't even know whichpart of me didn't live up to his expectations. Master Jasper broke me, and I don't know how to begin fixing the pieces he left behind.”
The hand on her hair tightened, tugged her head back firmly until she had no choice but to stare up into fierce gray eyes. God, the Mistress could be a hardass when she wanted to be. “Before I found where my true passion lay, I served a Dominant for eighteen months. Like you, I worshipped the ground he walked on, did everything he asked. After a year, I wore his collar, slept at the foot of his bed like a dog, and felt as though I'd found my place.” Connie pursed her lips, her eyes darkening. “Six months after that, he ghosted me like the fucking coward he is. Just upped and left, packed a bag and disappeared for almost two years. He didn't have Jasper's reasons for doing so; he just didn't want what we had and was even less inclined to tackle the dissolution of the dynamic.”
“But...but you're a Domme.”
“I am indeed. Much like you're doing now, I curled up and grieved for what I'd lost, with nothing to simplify it. No reason to lessen the hurt. It took six months of rebuilding myself before I realized that what I had with him had been...off. I let him push and cajole me into being someone I wasn't—he wanted a dog. A little puppy girl who doted on him as though he was the only man in the world. I think, deep down, he saw the Domme in me before I even understood she was part of me, and he was afraid. Sniveling little worm,” she sneered. “He was afraid I would snap, and she would be free. He knew he'd have a fucking Rottweiler on his hands instead of a playful puppy wagging her tail and fetching his goddamn slippers.”
Connie released Archie's hair and walked to the tiny sink, wetting a washcloth and wringing it out. When she came back, the Mistress didn't hesitate—she simply crouched down and painstakingly started to clean Archie's face. “You, sweetheart, are not a Domme. Submission is your gift in its entirety, however much Jasper's actions have caused you to doubt yourself. The man is a fucking imbecile for doing this, but we have to forgive him; he's in pain we can't begin to understand. I'm not going to make excuses for him,” she continued, gently stroking the cloth under Archie's swollen eyes, “and I absolutely think you should make him grovel when he gets his shit together and comes home. Forgiveness is good, but sometimes it has a bigger impact when you need to work for it.”
“And if he doesn't come home? If he still doesn't want me if he does?”
Connie dismissed that with a scowl. “He's an imbecile, but he's not brainless. The man was prepared to take on Braun for you, and had you not been standing beside Atticus that night, I strongly believe he would have kicked Att's ass—or attempted to, anyway. Atticus is a force to be reckoned with. Jasper knows you belong with him, sweetheart; he's just scared he's going to hurt you.”
Her lips trembled, more tears rising quickly. “More than this? More than ripping my heart out? I eat my goddamn body weight in ice cream every day because of him. My life is falling apart around my ears because I was stupid enough to fall in love with him, and then let myself fall deeper despite the fact he never gave me anything back. He can't do anything to me physically that can hurt me more than this.”
The Mistress tossed the washcloth back toward the sink, then grasped Archie's face tightly between her hands. Those gray eyes bore into hers with an intensity that burned. “Good girl.”
Stunned, Archie tried to jerk back, but Connie's grip was absolute. “I...what?”
“Acknowledging your feelings is a positive step, Anarchy. You wouldn't believe how many people keep it all bottled in and let it rot until it spews over everyone at an inopportune moment. Not healthy at all.” Connie's perfume was subtle and soft, enveloping Archie in a warm hug that settled her nerves. “Denying your submissive side isn't helping anything, so we're going to rectify that.”
She was ashamed to go back to Avalon. Back to the whispers and rumors of her fall from grace. She'd cried out her safeword, for God's sake, after one stroke of Atticus's cock. Her pussy clenched traitorously, reliving the delicious stretch of his girth opening her up, that single instant of primal connection before she freaked.
“Come on, sweetheart. Get your ass in the shower if you're done here.” Connie rose and helped her onto shaky legs, dropping the lid on the toilet and flushing away the evidence of her weakness. “Are you steady enough to be left alone in there?”
She swayed slightly, a little lightheaded. Her knees felt weak, her body still trembling from the shock, but she was okay. “I'll be fine.” She reached out and held onto the sink for a few seconds. “Mistress Connie, I haven't been honest with any of you at Avalon. You might not want me there when you know the truth.”
“Oh?” Unfazed, Connie simply bent and gathered the hem of the T-shirt, drawing it up and over Archie's head, leaving her uncomfortably naked. Her squeal of distress was ignored. “Are you a thief, a drug dealer, a murderer? No, no, wait. I know, you're an international wildlife trafficker.”
The bubble of laughter that escaped her was like breathing again after too long trapped in an airless coffin. Some of the weight on her shoulders slipped away. “No, I don't even have a passport. And I'd want to cuddle all the animals and...” She trailed off as Connie's eyes raked down her body, back up. Belatedly, she moved her hands to cover herself, only for a raised eyebrow to change her mind. “I, ah...”
