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“I'm sorry if I worried you,” she replied stiffly.
“Must admit, I was concerned. Not only that you were in there with a virtual stranger, but that you'd used your safeword.” He stood straight, stalking toward her around the couch. “I'm glad you're okay.”
“How much of this conversation did you hear?”
Braun sighed and sat gracefully, propping his foot on the opposite knee. “Pretty much all of it. Enough to rein in my protective instincts and stop myself from going to kick Thane's ass. And,” he added with a small smile, “to not grill you any further. My undercover operative over here is naturally nosy.”
Connie shot her a killing glare.
“Don't blame Bodie, she was only doing as I asked. Well, no, she wasn't. I asked her to keep you here so we could have a chat,” he corrected, lifting an eyebrow. “After you pulled up outside and didn't get out of the car, I figured you'd dash in, check on Bodie and the bump, and then make a run for it. Bodie's been pining for some company other than mine, so don't go thinking she was digging for information.”
It was hard not to think that. Connie rubbed at an ache between her breasts. “Well, I've had my chat with Bodie, and you got the answers you wanted, so I'm going now. I have an appointment in an hour.” It wasn't quite a lie. She'd promised Alicia she'd call at the store for corn dogs, popcorn, and soda. “I won't be at Avalon tonight. Penny isn't available to stay with Lisha, so we're having a movie night.”
Bodie cleared her throat. “About Alicia, Con. That's something Braun and I have wanted to talk to you about for a while. We've been talking about the future, especially with the baby situation as it is.” She stroked the small round bump lovingly. “Braun asked you to take Alicia on as a favor because he couldn't take care of us both. I was broken, she's broken, and he just didn't have time to help us both heal. But she's been with you for a year now, and it's not fair to you to keep looking after her.”
Her stomach plopped on the floor with a wet splat. “You're not happy with her progress.” The feeling of failure rose like a gale force wind, sweeping her along as though she was tumbleweed in the desert. “She just needs time. She killed two people in self-defense—her own parents—and was immediately upheaved from everything she knew. That's not a bad thing, under the circumstances, but you have to give her time to come to terms with what her life is now.”
“We get that. We're not saying we're not pleased with her progress, Connie.” Braun took over from his sub, scratching idly at his nose. “We're saying it's not fair on you. Atticus raised some good points about the amount of stress you're under, and we agree. It's time you took a break, Con. I've spoken to a rehab facility west of here, and they have a space for Alicia. Atticus is checking it out for me, but their records are impeccable. The standard of care for wheelchair-bound patients is faultless. They have classes, physical therapists, social interaction.”
Everything Connie couldn't offer. Yeah, she might as well have Failuretattooed on her forehead.
“This isn't a reflection on your care, Con. It's been a huge relief for me to know my sister is being loved and tended. The facility is a short-term option—a vacation for both of you. I never intended for you to get roped into my family shit, but you did, and I need to make reparations for that.”
A vacation sounded like bliss, but Connie's sense of responsibility couldn't even fathom shipping her charge off to a strange new place. She'd taken Lisha on, and wouldn't abandon her simply because Connie was rundown and tired. The girl was family now, as much hers as Bodie's. “I appreciate the offer, but we're doing fine. Lisha needs stability.”
“We agree, undoubtedly. But you need some downtime. Atticus has offered to take over for a few days, a week if he can stretch the time away from…you know. It's not the same as taking a month off like you could if Alicia went to the care facility, but it's a break.” Braun leaned forward, his gaze intent and serious. “The agreement wasn't to let Alicia consume your private life, Connie, and she has. Through no fault of her own, or yours. This isn't a request.”
She was so glad she hadn't sat down again. It made storming out a lot less complicated. Jaw tight against the hurt bruising her internal organs, Connie tried not to cry. Yet another facet of her life—herlife—being forcibly removed from her control. First her dominance was brought into question, and now…now she stood to lose someone who'd become a key fixture in her world.
Her voice was so tight, one wrong word would snap it like a taut thread. “Do what you want, you will anyway.” She yanked a set of keys from her pocket, twisted one off the ring, and tossed it in Braun's lap. “She won't answer the door herself. Make sure you lock up after yourself. I won't be going home.”
“Connie—”
Flipping him the bird, she skirted around the couch and headed for the front door. She wished she could say the pain in her chest was born from fury, but there was no use lying to herself. It was the kind of pain that came from having her heart ripped out and thrown against the wall. It happened every time she wasn't good enough or strong enough or fucking submissive enough for someone.
Braun moved fast for such a big man, standing and vaulting over the furniture to land in her path as she stormed out. His hand was gentle when it grabbed her arm, but she wasn't in the mood to listen to him spout off reasons and explanations and motherfucking excuses that meant nothing.
Wrenching her arm free, she swung her other hand at his face, fist balled. She connected with his cheekbone, more of a glancing blow than a real punch, but the impact sang up her wrist. “I'm done, Braun. I'm done with the whole fucking mess.” Her voice cracked on the last word, and her vision blurred.
“Connie, wait!” Bodie called out.
There was guilt for piling this mess on her friend, but Connie didn't stop. Didn't wait. The plate of shit stacked several feet high was tilting, threatening to spill, and Connie couldn't be here when it fell. She evaded a second grab, darted into the small foyer and shoved her feet haphazardly into her sneakers.
Fumbling for the door handle blindly, she yanked it open. She was running for her car before the door slammed shut behind her. Shit, she hadn't meant to slam it. Fuck, what did it matter? She stumbled, almost fell on the path, but forced herself to keep going. The path turned from paving stones to the rough gravel of the parking lot beneath her feet, and she smacked into the side of her car with a bang that rattled her bones.
Ten minutes later, she couldn't remember getting into the car, starting the engine, or driving away from Avalon, but she found herself on a road she didn't know, in a place she had no recollection of, with her forehead on the wheel while she bawled her eyes out.
Betrayed. It was so stupid, but she felt betrayed. Atticus and the other Masters had been discussing her behind her back, making decisions for her without any input from her side. Changing the course of her life in a direction she wasn't even sure she wanted it to go. What was next, a career change? A nice relaxing vacation in a psych hospital? And then—and then, she thought furiously—her friends had been conspiring behind her back again, only this time they were messing with not only her life, but Alicia's. How would they like to go through a massive trauma and then be transplanted somewhere else? They'd want the comfort of home, and despite everything, Connie believed Alicia had come to see her house as home.
Screw the lot of them. No more pushover Connie. They wanted Alicia? Well, she was no longer Connie's to take care of. They could handle the mood swings and the fucking suicide music. They could deal with trying to get the girl to eat, to drink, to take a goddamn shower, and they could suffer through the battles Connie lived through every damn day.
Atticus could take his plans and shove them up his ass. Hell, if she could fit Thane up there, she'd give him a helpful push to fully insert him. Maybe it wasn't fair to include him in Atticus's fate, but at the end of the day, he'd agreed to whatever her supposed friend had proposed, so she wasn't going to feel guilty about cutting him out of her life.
Connie cried harder. Bit by bit, her life was just crumbling into pieces. There was no going home, there was no going to Avalon. The two places that gave her comfort were useless now.
Just as useless as she was.
*
