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It was time to call it quits.
*
Saul checked his watch for the third time in two minutes, unhappy with the way Caera had gone to the bathroom. Personally, he liked to touch her casually—little strokes and kisses, the brush of his fingers over her cheek or hand—but Caera usually needed some encouragement to do the same, as though she needed permission to show him affection.
That kiss…it might have been brief and gentle, but it was wrong.
“You’ve spent some quality time getting to know her,” Connie stated, interrupting his uncomfortable thoughts. “How do you think this is going to impact her? She was shocked to find out she had a blood relative, that was clear enough, but do you think she wants to nurture a relationship with Jasper?”
“I’m not the psychologist in the room, Con.”
“That’s true, but then again, I’m not the one in love with her.” Wise gray eyes didn’t blink when he scowled. “Don’t be dense, Saul. I’ve watched four of my strongest, most independent friends take the fall—including Thane. I know the signs, and I almost comprehend the battle of staying single and spreading your wild oats versus settling down and tackling the next stage of life. You tend to her the way Atticus treats Lisha—like she’s the most precious thing you’ll ever possess.”
Because she was. How was he supposed to resist fragility and strength twined together in such a pretty form? Caera did her best to put everyone else in front of her own needs, so she didn’t become a burden. He loved the playful, witty, challenging side of her lurking under the terrified hermit. How was he not supposed to get down on one knee and hand her his heart?
“It’s early, Con. Too fucking early to make declarations of love and commitment.” Of course, he’d done that a few times while she slept, practicing how to say it without scaring her off. “Hell, I haven’t even told her about Avalon or the lifestyle yet, because I don’t want to put pressure on an already fragile balancing act. Not that it’s fazed her,” he muttered sourly, shooting Jasper a mock annoyed glare. “I’m not sure I’m happy that her half-brother can be one of the biggest assholes I know.”
“Blood is blood, we can’t choose it.” Connie laughed and perched on the arm of the chair beside him. “Would you really want anyone else for a future brother-in-law, Saul? Jasper is…well, you know him almost as well as we do, and I for one wouldn’t swap him. When Caera can’t talk to you about some of the things she may or may not remember, you know he’ll be there for her, as hard as that might be. Jasper’s been there, just on the other side of the coin. If the timing had been different, who knows—it could have been him being ordered to put her down like a sick dog. I don’t think he’d have done anything differently to this Darius character.”
Oh yeah, it rankled, imagining Caera sharing secrets with Jasper. But Connie was right. There was comfort in understanding that his little rabbit would never be alone with the past—if he couldn’t be there, her half-brother would step up to the mark.
Three minutes and no sign of her. “Why the hell did you set us up, Con?”
She sighed. “A few months ago, I would have sent her Atticus’s way, but it would have been a failure. That Daddy has been in love with Lisha since…I don’t know when. He kept it quiet, but at some point on their journey, he cast aside any doubts and went after her. That left you, Liam, and Loki.” Her hand rubbed his shoulder. “Loki is too…everything. He loves life, he loves sex, and while he’s reaching the point where he’s about to figure out what he needs to make him happy, he’s not there yet.”
Saul grunted, his eyes drifting over to the doorway, willing his girl to walk through it.
“Liam would have been perfect, but that saying still waters run deep is very true for him. The threesome he participated in with Jasper and Archie is one example of what he sometimes needs from sex. Not to mention he’s bi, and given a choice, he leans more towards men.” She hummed lightly under her breath. “I doubt I’d have gotten him to leave Avalon—he’s married to the place, it’s his baby, and with Braun still being mostly absent with Bodie and the baby, he’s a goddamn dragon guarding the princess.”
It was Saul’s turn to laugh, but he couldn’t quite muster a genuine one. Four minutes. “Which left you with me.”
“No. You were always top of my list. I’ve read your work, I’ve seen you play. Age brings wisdom, and although you’re only a few years older than Liam and Loki, you have the knowledge and maturity to develop sex into intimacy on a deeper level, at a level Caera craves. I hoped that if you ventured into a physical relationship with her, she would learn how to embrace it instead of fearing it. That girl is afraid of the world, Saul, and it’s given her good reason to be.”
“Yeah, I figured that out when she woke up screaming, Kill the rabbit!”
“I set you both up because she had one chance to experience something that could anchor her to living. I browbeat her into going to the cabin. She was suicidal…no, that might be too…you know what, no, it’s not too strong. She was ready to give up. Roll over and die, naturally or not.” Connie cleared her throat. “In ten days, you’ve done what I couldn’t and dragged her back from the edge. She’s still breathing because she found you.”
Saul waved that away. He didn’t want credit for something that came down to simple human comfort. Anyone could have saved her if they’d just opened their eyes to her plight and done the right thing—hell, he’d been on the verge of walking away himself at first—so no, he wouldn’t bask in praise for being human and doing what should be second nature.
Thoughts dark with worry, he looked over at Jasper, relieved to see his friend had finally allowed Anarchy back within touching distance. The sadist was pensive as his kitten fussed over his battered hand.
“Might as well get it all out on the table, Saul. You’re withholding sex?”
He rolled his eyes back toward Connie. “I’m not withholding anything. Caera and I have an agreement which includes waiting for a couple of weeks before attempting to extend our physical intimacy. I want her to make decisions when she isn’t under the influence of severe sleep deprivation. I’d also like to be able to pound her into the fucking bed without snapping her spine, which is another reason we’re working on building her weight up. So no, I’m not withholding sex. I’m being patient so that I don’t hurt her.”
“Bribery is a sneaky tactic, Saul. Effective, but sneaky.”
“There’s nothing sneaky about it. I laid my cards down on the table, and so did she. Our wants, our needs, spread out in front of us. We reached a compromise to get what we both want. Whatever it takes to get her happy and healthy.”
Connie rubbed her thumb over her naked lips. No Domme-red lipstick tonight, not for family. “When you got to the cabin and you first saw Caera, what did you think? What was your very first impression?”
He laughed and rubbed his hands over his face, listening to the stubble scrape his palms. “Apart from absorbing the shock of coming face to face with a bare-ass naked woman with the biggest, most frightened green eyes…I thought I had the wrong cabin, until I realized my key had worked in the lock. I wondered where she’d come from, if she was a hiker who’d gotten lost and broken in, because she looked like someone who’d been wandering around aimlessly, trying to live off the land and failing terribly.”
“I don’t want to know what happened, Saul. Tell me what you thought about her.”
“Honestly, I was so goddamned angry with you, I can’t remember. I know it didn’t take long for my protective instincts to kick in, once I stepped past her nakedness and really focused on her condition. Of course, then I got sucked into her craziness and haven’t looked back since.”
“Caera has that way about her,” Connie agreed. “But you’re still not telling me what I want to know. It’s not as hard as you think—what is the first perfectly clear thought you can recall when you looked at her?”
