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“Huh. That’s a possibility.”
Caera rolled the now flat piece of waffle into a ball as she studied Thane’s body language. He was unusual compared to Saul and Jasper—they had an edginess like lions in the wild, all the damn time—but Thane teetered between lion and sloth. “You have sex, right?”
His lips twitched. “Mmm-hmmm.”
“A lot of it?”
“I’m not complaining.”
Short answers weren’t what she needed. Building a bigger picture required details only someone who’d experienced such things could give her. Out of everyone now in her life, Thane seemed like the safest option to drill information from. “What does it feel like? I mean, you’re a big fish, right?” Okay, she hadn’t meant to call him a big fish, but it was out there now. “I mean, you’re Dominant?”
He rubbed his thumb idly over his lower lip. “The dynamic Constance and I have is a bit more complicated than your average Dom-sub or Master-slave relationship. We’re what you’d called Switches, which means that both of us take pleasure in exerting our dominance and offering our submission. Many people are just one or the other, but we’re lucky to be both.”
“Okay. Saul is just dominant?”
“Yeah, he’s straight Dom, sweetheart. As for the sex, well, I don’t think describing it will give you what you’re looking for. I can tell you it feels great, the orgasms are amazing, and all the rest of it, but until you’ve had a taste of it, you won’t truly comprehend it.”
Caera glanced at the door. She would self-combust if Saul walked in when she was talking about sex. There wasn’t a rock big enough to crawl under. “Should I be worried?”
“If that plate isn’t empty when he comes back in, yeah.” Thane grinned, and shifted his leg awkwardly. “Contrary to popular opinion, sweetheart, it’s okay to be scared or worried or anxious about something you haven’t done before. Ask anyone who’s ever stepped out on a limb and dared to test their wings. Do you trust Saul?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, good response, very strong, no hesitation.” He winked as he massaged his thigh absently. “Can you feel the confidence that yes gives you? There wasn’t a hint of distrust in your reply, Caera. Trusting Saul empowers you, and you should concentrate on keeping that power close.”
“Is that what you do?”
“Don’t tell Connie all my secrets,” he said in a conspiratorial whisper, “but yeah, that’s what I do. It’s what we all do. Do you think Archie doesn’t wear her trust in Jasper like a sweater when he wants to do something particularly sadistic and out of her depth? Or that I don’t have to remind myself that I love and trust my woman above all else when she pulls out the strap-on?”
What on God’s green earth was a strap-on? Eyes wide, Caera blinked at him. “I don’t think I want to know what that is, do I?”
“Probably not, but you’ll find out when you’re ready. Just go with what the moment dictates, sweetheart, and believe in yourself.”
Oh, that would work, she thought sarcastically. Believe in the woman raised by monsters, scared of her own fucking shadow, and who wasn’t fully convinced she belonged here? There was probably a higher chance of angels serenading her into a dreamless, peaceful sleep without a single demon stalking her than there was in her believing in herself.
When the door opened, her heart did a little jumpy-jump that stole her breath for a beat. It wasn’t quite fear, but then it wasn’t unadulterated joy either.
“Thane, we need to hit the road.” Jasper said without preamble, jerking his thumb toward the front door.
“I guess we do.” With a reassuring smile for Caera, Thane heaved himself up. He nodded at the plate. “Eat up, sweetheart. There’s nothing worse than exerting yourself on an empty stomach.”
Oh boy. The idea of eating didn’t do anything but turn said stomach as Thane limped away. Jasper inclined his head, then followed his friend from the room, leaving her alone with limp waffles and a serious case of indecision.
The doorway remained empty.
She listened to the Doms leave, heard the quiet click of the front door closing, then a minute later, an engine started outside.
Great. She was in her psychologist’s house, mangling her food on a pretty plate, and the thing she desired most was just within her grasp. The one thing she lusted after, the thing she’d never experienced, yet she couldn’t figure out why it had become so damned important. Before Saul, she’d daydreamed about sex, using snippets of what she read in the pages of romance novels and saw on the tiny screen of her TV, but there had never been such a craving to have sex as there was now.
It was all Saul’s fault.
He just had to walk in on her naked and not give a damn about how she looked. Not even the scars she hadn’t known existed had put him off touching her, kissing her, tasting her. Knowing her past, all six memories of it, and realizing that there was so much more yet to come wasn’t a deterrent to him.
That kind of focus could devastate her, especially when it wore off and he lost interest.
She set the plate on the coffee table before there was nothing but mush remaining, then curled up in the chair with a sigh.
How much longer could she disrupt everyone’s lives? Saul was dangerously close to following her down the insomniac route, trying to stay awake through the night to monitor her, and now Thane was being pulled into that routine too.
