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Spencer’s eyes grew wide, but he still had my back. He reached over and squeezed my shoulder in support or so I’d chill out. But it did nothing to calm me.
“I’ll ask you again—what’s the big deal?” I was seeing red and trying to control my breathing before all the cards came crashing down. I could’ve made excuses like always, but this time I felt frustrated and wanted answers.
Flash shrugged. “Just seems like you’re hanging out with him a lot.”
“Why do you get together with the guys from chess club so much?” I countered, bringing up his favorite hobby that he tended to keep hush-hush. It was a low blow, but I was feeling out of sorts.
His face flushed, but he sat up straighter and looked me in the eye. “Because I like chess and I’m good at it. Yeah, those dudes are nerds, but so am I in my spare time.”
Good answer, honestly. And if I wasn’t feeling so put on the spot, I might’ve even told him that.
“Don’t tell the ladies that,” Bones said with a wink.
“Eh, some would probably like it,” Spencer said. “Wear some nerdy glasses, and you’re golden.”
The guys laughed, but I couldn’t find it in me to join in.
“So are you saying you secretly like dance?” Flash asked.
“I’m saying they are talented athletes. I know Lark from childhood, and I was supporting my friend. Don’t be idiots.” There. I’d said my piece. Sort of.
“I get that you two are old friends, but that seems a little… I mean, flowers?”
“That’s apparently what you do after dance recitals. His mom told me that. Besides, how is it any different from when he came to our game to support me?”
Bones smirked. “Um, no flowers?”
“I wouldn’t mind getting flowers after games,” Spencer said, and I breathed out.
“Right?” Flash said, then raised his voice. “Who’s gonna bring me flowers after our last home game this week?”
Some students in the cafeteria laughed, though they didn’t quite get it—or did they?
But my eyes were drawn to Lark’s table. His cheeks were flushed, and Emil was saying something to him. I noticed new Band-Aids on his thumbs today, which meant this was getting to him too, and I felt guilty because had I never shown up or given him flowers, nobody would be talking about it today.
“What kind of flowers do you like?” one of the cheerleaders responded from the table beside ours.
Flash pretended to think about it as his eyes took on a faraway look. Then he glanced at me. “What kind of flowers did you get?”
“Screw you,” I replied. “Are you telling me you don’t have a favorite flower?”
“Never thought about it before.” He looked at the cheerleader. “Surprise me.”
“Done,” she said, and a few of them giggled like Flash was the cutest thing, but I wanted to wring his neck.
I stood up to throw away my food. “See you at practice.”
“Yes, sir…Captain,” Bones said with a salute, and I rolled my eyes.
“He’s gonna kick your ass,” I heard Spencer say as I walked away. “You guys need to let it rest.”
But would they? Even if they didn’t, they’d just find something else to bust my balls about. Still, this was something altogether different because underneath all that teasing, they were questioning my sexuality, and that was something I shouldn’t have to explain to anyone. Not until I was ready. And first, I needed to get through this season and semester.
As I left the dining hall, my chest constricted painfully, and I gripped the wall to catch my breath. My heart was racing, and it felt like it was going to explode. What the hell was wrong with me?
I lumbered to the restroom and locked myself in a stall to try and get my bearings. I felt so overwhelmed and angry and bummed all at once. Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t I just admit I was gay and had feelings for my friend?
But thinking about the repercussions, especially where my parents were concerned, was even worse. I rested my head against the cold metal of the stall, which felt good.
