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When he finally asked me out, I was thrilled. We dated for two weeks and I was debating if this was the man I was going to give my virginity to. I’d been holding out for someone who gave me butterflies.
And Gio gave me massive butterflies. He was also a massive liar.
Thanks to another teacher, I discovered that he wasn’t my student’s uncle. He was her father! And still very much married to her mother. Of course, I’d been hurt and felt extremely betrayed. When I confronted him, he blew me off saying he didn’t understand what the big deal was. That Italians took lovers all the time. Even if they were married.
Ciao, Gio.
Kai was Heartbreaker number two. At twenty-five, I believed I was so much wiser and that no man would ever trick me again. The opposite of Gio, Kai had dark brown eyes and longer hair. He was less clean-cut, wore a leather jacket and definitely was missing the pole up his ass that Gio had possessed. He owned a motorcycle and lived on a boat. We met at a bar. The line to the ladies room was too long that night, so I snuck into the men’s room. Of course, Kai walked in as I was sneaking out of the stall. He called me out. Then he bought me a drink and we talked in a dark corner booth for the rest of the night.
I thought I fell in love that night. In hindsight, I know I never loved him. Not even close. It was a strong infatuation for the bad boy. Also the weight of my virginity hanging around my neck was growing heavier with each passing birthday. My friends were getting married and starting families and I was still struggling with the dating scene.
When Kai asked me out, I felt special. And so damn cool. I was the girl on the back of his bike, arms wrapped around his waist. Little did I know that Kai was unavailable, too. But not because he was married. It was emotional unavailability, and that is almost as bad.
Needless to say, it didn’t last. In order for me to sleep with him, I needed him on more than just a physical level. I was searching for my future partner, a potential husband, and Kai told me he never planned on getting married. When I didn’t jump off his bike and into bed with him, he called me cold and demanded to know whatmyproblem was.
Bye, Kai.
Maybe I’m just cursed when it comes to love. Where it was once my life’s goal, now I hate even thinking about it. Time goes by so fast. Now, I’m thirty-two and still no closer to finding someone special. My virginity is like a noose around my neck, but I try not to think about it. When I do, I hear Kai’s voice in my head demanding to know why I’m such an ice-cold bitch.
His words still hurt and I’ve stayed far away from the dating scene the last few years. Instead, I focus on my students, family and friends, and get all the heat I need from my romance novels.
After Kai, my self-esteem took a hit and it hasn’t been the same since. My life is boring, safe, predictable. Men prefer fiery, passionate rebels and I am the furthest thing from that. The only thing fiery about me is my flaming golden-red hair which is far too curly and springs up above my shoulders. I tuck a wayward curl behind my ear and sigh softly.
Adventure and Blakely Sullivan do not go hand in hand. I’m the sweet, boring preschool teacher who loves children but, at this rate, seriously doubts she’ll ever have any of her own. Because for that, you need a man. Something I always seem to be lacking. So unless we’re talking about an Immaculate Conception, it isn’t going to happen any time soon.
But the last thing I want is to wake up one morning and find myself fifty years old and alone. And, God forbid, still a virgin. I know I should put myself back out there, but it’s so freaking hard.
I wish I was more like my younger sister, Cameron. She’s outgoing, carefree and much more daring than me. She’s also a serial dater, loves meeting men online and goes out with a new guy every week. For me, online dating is cringey and painful. I’d rather go to the dentist and get a root canal.
After being hurt, dating isn’t easy or fun for me. Exposing myself to a man, opening myself up to him physically and emotionally is scary for me. Cameron tried to convince me to set up a profile on the dating site she uses, but I said no.
I understand finding your perfect person, the one who makes your world tilt and your heartstrings go zing, doesn’t happen for everyone. I just need to accept the fact that I will probably always have to check the box labeled “single.”
Bracing a hand against the seat in front of me, I say a silent prayer of thanks when the wheels touch down safely and we begin to slow, taxiing over to the jetway. I’ve never been the greatest flier, but I do it when necessary.
My trip to San Francisco this past weekend for a teachers’ conference was enjoyable and worth dealing with the hassle of air travel. Even if I never have my own kids, I can help shape a child’s future in the most remarkable of ways by being a teacher. I’m a big advocate of making sure children have ample learning opportunities and bright futures. Especially when they’re so young and malleable. Being with three- and four-year-olds takes a lot of patience, but the rewards I reap are immeasurable. I truly love my job and hope I have some small, positive impact on their little souls.
The Captain comes over the intercom and thanks us for flying their airline and then the flight attendant starts rattling off her spiel. Once the plane stops, I unbuckle my belt and I can’t wait to stand up and stretch. It’s only like an hour and 15 minutes from Northern to Southern California, but I’m ready to get off this plane.
My gaze slides over to the man sitting across the aisle and up a couple of rows. I caught him looking over his seat at me a few times during the flight and it creeped me out. His intense, dark gaze made me squirm. He’s currently looking my way again and I try to ignore him and pretend I don’t notice. But I do notice and it’s disconcerting.
Waiting patiently for the rows ahead to deplane, I pull my messenger bag up from underneath the seat in front of me and slide the strap around my body. After picking up my small suitcase down at baggage claim, I can catch an Uber and go home. I seriously can’t wait. I’m tired and look forward to taking a hot shower and settling down on the couch with my book.
I’m a romance novel junkie and always have to hide my steamy covers from my students and their parents. But I have no regrets about my reading choices. And, hey, a single gal has to get some spice from somewhere, right?
When it’s finally my row’s turn, I politely wait for the passengers in front and across from me to go first. Then I follow them down the narrow aisle and thank the Captain as I exit the plane. After all, he kept me alive this past hour and I appreciate that.
Down at baggage claim, I wait as the carousel spins. Directly across from me, I notice the man who kept staring at me on the plane. He’s watching me again. This time, I meet his gaze, refusing to look away, and am rewarded for my bravery when he quickly averts his eyes. I’m not sure what he wants, but when I see my suitcase, I grab it off the belt fast and head for the exit. My bravery only extends so far.
The warm, balmy SoCal air hits my face the moment I step outside and I look up and see palm trees in the distance.It’s good to be home, I think, and adjust my messenger bag, pulling my suitcase behind me. I glance over at the taxi stand and there’s not even a line. Forget an Uber, this is going to be faster. Walking up to the first taxi, I pause beside the rear door while the driver pops the trunk and gets out.
Out of nowhere, a solid body plows into me, knocking me off balance, and I stumble forward. My hands shoot out, palms slamming against the side of the taxi, and I gasp when someone yanks my messenger bag hard, trying to pull it off me.
“Hey!” I yell and grab onto the strap. Whoever has my bag shakes hard, desperate to snatch it away from me. Feeling like a toy in a dog’s mouth, I trip and fall, my knees scraping against the cement.
“Leave her alone!” the taxi driver yells.
Still clutching my bag, refusing to let it go, I glance up and see the creepy man from the airplane.Oh, no. He was scoping me out for exactly this moment. I’m a female traveling alone and must’ve looked weak and like an easy target.
