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As Alex slips away, I wonder if witnessing joy or happiness makes him uncomfortable. He must experience that on his adventure tours, but maybe watching strangers express emotion isn’t as high stakes for him. The few stories he told me from his childhood made it sound as if he didn’t have a cozy upbringing with a ton of interaction with people who cared deeply about him. He survived it all, but I doubt he had a vibrant emotional life.
Scanning the party, old memories intrude. I think about my ex. I hadn’t considered his emotional bandwidth or resilience. Maybe I should have. He didn’t seem curious about me or why I had certain habits. And he moved on from our relationship with relative ease. It hit me particularly hard. But now, as I thought about him, I can see how we didn’t fit together. He didn’t want to see beneath the surface.
Putting aside my thoughts, I locate the photographer and ask him to join me by the cake in a few minutes. The guests laugh and tell stories; surprisingly, I don’t notice anyone drinking too much.
At nearly eleven o’clock, one of the catering staff lights the bonfire, and many of the guests head outside. I look out at the back terrace and see Alex talking with various people.
After checking in with Gabby, I go to my room, hang up my gown, and pull on jeans and a sweater so I’ll be warm outside. I find gloves and tuck them into the pockets of my winter jacket.
I take in a deep breath as I step out onto the terrace. The night air is cool and welcoming. There are only a handful of people gathered around the fire now.
I stand near Alex and gaze at the flames. Tomorrow is Christmas Day.
I miss being home and all the rituals of family life. My mom bakes holiday cookies for weeks, and my dad insists on Christmas carols around the piano each night. We were always bundled up and taken to church when we were young. But now everyone is out of the house, life seems more hectic, and it’s difficult to coordinate the holidays.
Alex puts his arm around my shoulders and draws me into his chest. “My mom and Graham were out here a few minutes ago.”
His strong jaw and masculine cheekbones are incredibly handsome and sexy. I love the sound of his deep voice. He has a strength and resilience that is intoxicating. I tell him, “I’m relieved it’s over.”
His dark green gaze meets mine, and I tremble slightly. He asks, “Are you cold?”
I smile. “A little. I’m adjusting to the night air. But the fire feels good.”
He unzips his jacket, turns me so I’m facing the fire, and pulls me back against his chest. His warmness and delicious smell envelop my senses and cause my nervous system to go on hyperalert. Being close to him feels good, but it is probably not the best professional move.
Looking at the fire, I say, “I haven’t let myself think about the next adventure. Pulling this wedding together took all of my focus and energy.”
He remains quiet. I wonder if he’ll send me home after brunch tomorrow. Putting together this event took a different skill set than leading adventures into the wild.
I keep my voice steady even though I feel like I’m drowning. “I had requested a thirty-day leave to cover for Kate, but my supervisor has insisted that I take the remainder of the semester off. It makes sense for the students not to have so many transitions.”
He presses a hand on my lower rib cage, drawing me even closer to his body. “There is a family dinner tomorrow in London. I’ll text you instructions on how to get to the private airfield on Monday afternoon.”
I nod. It’s not surprising that he’ll spend Christmas with his family. But it leaves me feeling a little lost. I’ve always spent Christmas with my sisters. “I have some things to finish here and then some shopping for the trip.”
He removes his arms from my body and steps away. “I’ve asked Sonia to send you a list of essential items. It’ll include which stores to shop in and what to purchase. Your luggage will need to be shipped back to the States. You’ll only be permitted one backpack.”
I don’t look at him. I put my hands in my pockets and try to push away a feeling of incompetence. I can’t climb mountains or skydive. I can’t even start a fire. And I’m genuinely afraid of sharks.
Alex tilts his head. “What are you thinking, sweetheart?”
I glance at him. “I might need more than one backpack. We’ll see.”
He crosses his arms. “The store I’m sending you to will take measurements and recommend a backpack size. It has to fit your frame so you can hike for long distances. You’ll need a waterproof jacket, a down sleeping bag, a tent, a knife, and a fire starter.”
I smile. “And a bikini?”
His voice lowers and becomes huskier. “You can swim naked and save the space for essential gear.”
I meet his gaze. “I bet you’d like that.”
He touches my lower back, gently pulling me forward. “I would.”
My mind immediately goes to his physical prowess. He has a sculpted, lean, masculine body. I try to limit that thinking. When we leave the UK, I won’t be so enmeshed in his emotional experience of surviving a family wedding. We’ll be in neutral territory, and I imagine in a more businesslike relationship.
A server comes over, offering us sticks and marshmallows. I look to the side and see a table with hot beverages and items to make s’mores.
“Thank you.” I take a stick and a marshmallow.
