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He steps closer to me. “This is a less than ideal situation. I don’t want to bump into someone I knew all those years ago. It’s making me feel trapped and out of sorts.”
I raise my eyebrows. It’s good that he knows how he is feeling. I’m feeling guilty. “You looked so different as a young boy. I doubt that will happen. Just don’t give your real name.”
He blinks slowly. “The entire reason I’m here is to have some emotional reckoning.”
I hold up my hands. “You’re right. Loudly announce your name.”
He shrugs. “I’ll check out the bookstore and then the market. Meet me there.”
I turn away and head to a nearby bench. My legs feel shaky. I’m the one about to have an emotional reckoning.
I pull out my phone and check the time in New York. It’s six in the morning. I can’t call Ivy. But Iris might be up.
“Hello.” She sounds both sleepy and pissed.
“I’m sorry. I needed to talk with you.”
I hear her adjust her pillows. “It’s okay. Where are you?”
“I’m in Ireland near Galway on the west coast. There is a forest called Twelve Pins.”
“Why?”
“Do you remember the conversation about Alex and I coming up with adventure challenges for each other?”
Iris clears her throat. “I do. What does that have to do with a forest in Ireland?”
“He grew up here until he was sixteen. This place is the reason that he became an adventure guide. He camped out alone when he was a little boy.”
“I still don’t see the relevance exactly.”
“I know. I may have gotten it all wrong. I thought bringing him back here would reconnect him to his past and make him remember why he is the way he is.”
“That seems complicated.”
“Yes, and now I feel guilty.” I bite my lower lip, waiting for her reaction.
“I don’t know that you need to feel guilty. You’re not trying to harm him. But what are you trying to accomplish?”
“I thought seeing the area as an adult would lose some mystique. It would allow him to put it in perspective.”
Iris groans. “I don’t know, Immy. It’s a risk. It could bring up terrible memories or remind him of something positive. You’ll just have to let it play out and be ready to acknowledge and validate his experience.”
“I feel as if I’ve done something wrong. I have this tightness in my chest that won’t go away.”
“Talk to Alex about how you’re feeling.”
“I feel like an idiot. I organized this trip and brought him here.”
She lets out an audible breath. “As I mentioned, it’s risky. That’s not a bad thing. From how you’ve described Alex, he is resilient, strong, and capable. He’ll manage to take a peek into his past. Be ready to face whatever comes up without judgment. That would be a real gift to him.”
I look into the distance and my vision is slightly blurred. I close my eyes briefly. “I can do that. But how do I feel less uncomfortable myself? Less responsible for all of this?”
“Immy, you are not responsible for his past.”
“No, just bringing him here to face it.”
“He might decide not to face it. And that is his choice.”
