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“Yes,I do,” Xander professes quietly to me. “It’s like my choices in life have these catastrophic repercussions. I made a shitty selfish choice that hurt my sister, my mom, and now they’re both in the ICU. For what? Because I was scared to confront you?” Face twisting, he slumps back in his chair. “I’m such a fucking—”
“Elf,” I interject.
“What?”
“Didn’t you say elves were sorta selfish? I dunno, they’ve always seemed dope to me.” I know he loves them the most in fantasy worlds too. I catch him staring at my busted knuckles. “You wanna know something?”
He nods once, listening.
“I’ve made a bunch of shitty selfish choices in my twenty-nine years, and I can’t say that I regret a single one.”
Xander frowns. “How?”
“‘Cause it’s okay to put yourself first and chase after the things you want or run away from the things you don’t. Life’s too short to try to be perfect for everyone else.”
He’s quiet for a beat. “What if I’m not happy with myself?” He’s staring at the floor.
I look him over, my lungs tightening. “You bailed on putt-putt, man. You didn’t bail on your sister or your mom.”
He rubs his runny nose with the back of his arm. “I’m sorry.” It comes out constricted.
“Don’t be.”
“I am, though,” he says more clearly. “When I heard you had feelings for Luna, my whole…fucking world crashed. It feels so stupid now.” He tilts his head to meet my gaze. “I used to want the Moretti brothers to marry into my family, you know? I thought it’d be cool to always have them around.”
I frown. “They did end up doing that.”
“Yeah, and it’s not the same as how I thought it’d be…so when you came along, I liked knowing I haveallof your attention.” His shaggy hair touches his wet eyelashes. “And I thought you’d stick around forever. Not for her, but for me. And now—now, I’d giveanythingfor my sister to be okay. I’d change places with her in a heartbeat. I’d rather be dead.”
It stabs me. “She wouldn’t want that,” I tell him quietly.
His chest caves. He stares at my bloodied fists again. “I’m selfish enough to hate when I am selfish, but not selfish enough to thrive on my own. I’m doomed; Luna’s not. Her future isbetter.”
She might not have one.
It all hurts. I say, “I wanna see yours too.” His tears surface as he looks back at me, but I just tell him the truth, “I hope I can be there, whatever happens. I wanna be there.”
“You’re not going anywhere?” he asks.
I’m still gripping on to the lit match of hope. It’s burning near my fingers.She’s alive. She’ll wake up.But in a future where she doesn’t—could I even stomach being around her family without her? For Xander, maybe I could.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I say.
He inhales a full breath, then sniffs again. “You have any music recs, wise one?” He wipes at his wet eyes again, then scrolls through songs on his phone.
“Yeah, I’ve got one.” I type in the song and pressstart.Ween’s “Tried and True” plays around his neck until he lifts the headphones to his ears.
Xander eases back, breathing in and out, and I stand up, thinking about joining Maximoff, Ryke, and Connor at the coffee bar. I worry they’ll ask about tonight. Pry for more details I don’t have. Like full motives.
My family said taking Luna wasn’t the original plan, but I don’t know what was yet.
Before I can decide where to go, an older woman enters, toting an expensive handbag and clutching pearls at her neck.
No one looks thrilled to see Grandmother Calloway, who’s more accurately referred to as the Crow. Mostly by me.
“Where is she?” the Crow barks at her daughters, not even acknowledging the Hales. As though Maximoff doesn’t exist. Like Xander and Kinney aren’t teenagers coping with their sister and mom in the ICU right now.
“Mother,” Rose snaps, marching forward. “We told you to wait at home—”
