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I touch my eyes, real relief hitting me. “So I wasn’t…?”
“You weren’t,” he says strongly.
A tidal wave crashes against me, lurching me back into the pillows. My hands fly to my face, and I sink down to hide this breakdown beneath the blankets. Cocooned underneath them, I choke out, “I thought…I thought the worst.”
“It didn’t happen,” he reassures and pats the blanket lump that is me. “That’s your forehead?”
“My nose,” I sniff, and my lips rise a little just thinking about him patting me. His presence feels needed, necessary, as if he’s the sole light among space and time. I calm myself in two breaths, peeling the blanket off my splotchy face, I ask, “Can you…can you come closer?”
He rises off the stool but stops short. Distraught, he clamps a hand on his head. “Look, I’d already be on that bed,holdingyou—”
“Then why aren’t you?”
His face nearly cracks. “You don’t remember me.”
“I want to.” I hate that I can’tseewhat I’ve already lived through.
“I know,” he says. “I know.” He’s looking around the room.Don’t leave.
I prop myself on my weak elbows, fighting to stay more upright. Donnelly is a stranger to me. I have no idea who he really is—no memories, no past conversations floating in my brain. He’s nothing to me now, but he was something.
Original Luna had three years’ worth of failures and mistakes to learn from. She has knowledge, and I trust her.
“Can we pretend for a second?” I ask him. “Please.”
“Pretend that you know me?”
I nod rapidly, and I already prepare my heart for him to say,that’s a bad idea.Or worse,that’s dumb.
Instead, Donnelly is game.
He climbs on the hospital bed without falter, and I scoot to make room. Carefully, gently, his muscled arm curves around my bony shoulders, and I find myself resting my weight against him. My cheek to his heart.
True to his word, he’s holding me.
It feels really good to be held, but the newness of this embrace is tingling my skin, speeding my heart. Do I remember this with him? Is that why this feeling is hyper-sensitive?
I wish I knew. One of his hands is on my hip, and I trace his veins running from his knuckles to his wrist. Maybe being in the arms of a stranger should be more nerve-wracking, but I’ve never been the cautious type. I think it worries my parents more than anyone.
“You in any pain?” he asks.
I shake my head a little. “It’s dull.”
His heartthumps, thumps, thumpsagainst my ear. I can’t believe I had sex with him. In what position? Where did he fuck me? How many times? A billion questions attack me all at once, but I startle at a realization.
“What’s wrong?” He feels me jerk.
“You came inside me.”
“Yeah?” He’s confused.
“I’m not on birth control.” Off his expression, I see that Original Luna had that covered. “Or am I?”
“You are, but we should probably make sure your doctor knows you might’ve missed taking the pill while you’ve been here.” He glances back at the door, and when chatter sounds outside, worry spreads across his face.
I realize, “You’re not allowed to be here. Farrow told you to…to wait?” It’s becoming easier recalling the talks I’ve had in the hospital.
“Yeah, and there’s a No Fun Nurse out there who thinks I’m a piece of garbage that’s going to stink up your room. Joke’s on her because I smell great.”
